Imagine....Easter

Imagine there's no heaven

It's easy if you try

No sky above us

Below us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today....

The stereo resounded with the latest album from ex-Beatle, John Lennon.

Smoke from marijuana and hashish filled the room. A young man sits quietly to one side of the room....thinking...contemplating.... his last day(s) on earth. Suicide is an awful thought,...but sometimes one feels painted into a corner where there is no escape...

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too...

How did he get to this place in life? ... and at such a young age. Everything seems against him. Life sucks. Friends?.... What friends?... Other people who like to drink, get stoned, listen to music? But what do they say behind his back?... loser....screw-up..... The kid who has no future, ... no hope....

In the corner a television is on. The volume is muted. It's Easter Weekend and on this Friday a Passion Play is being broadcast. A man carries his cross up a lonely hill. Bruised and battered and bloody, this unrecognizable figure of a man. Soldiers accompany him. They lay him down on this rough-cut timber. A hammer is lifted.....nails are driven....


You may say I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll come join us

And the world will live as one

The young man is transfixed.... watching....


The nails. They are driven mercilessly through the man's wrists and through his feet. Agonizing. Time seems to stop. The cross is lifted into the air where the man struggles with every breath.

Now, it's just the young man...and the scene before him. The cross,...the execution... the...dying...

The young man hears a still, small voice. It seems to come from within him, but he's not sure. The voice speaks: "I did this for you." I have come for YOU tonight!... Trust in Me and I will deliver you from death and give you life."

The young man looks around the room at his "friends". They're all stoned, having a grand time. The music plays loudly. But,.... what is real? Is this "real"?... Or,... is Jesus Christ "real"?.... What have I been missing all these years?...

Sure, he knows about Jesus. But,... he's never been broken before so he's never really found the need. What did he ever have to be saved from?...



But.... What if it is true?... What if Jesus Christ really did live and die... and rise from the dead?... For him?.... What if God really loves him that much?....


No need for greed or hunger


A brotherhood of man


Imagine all the people


Sharing all the world...



The young man breaks down into tears. Locks himself in the bathroom,...sobbing. His friends are knocking on the door? "What's wrong?"... "What are you doing in there"?...


Finally, the young man composes himself. Out of the bathroom,... out of the house,... across the yard, ...into his car... Starts it up.


Where is he going? He doesn't know.... just away from there.... hopefully, away from this whole world. But where is God? Where IS God? Where IS Jesus?.... "Lord, I need You".... answer me."

A familiar face peers at him through the driver's window. "Where are you going?" It's someone from the party.

The only answer?...." To find Jesus."

"Jesus!".... Are you crazy?".... There's no Jesus. I know. I've been there... done that. There's nothing there."....

"There's nothing there."

The young man stammers. "O.K... But, I have to find out for myself.... goodbye.".... He starts the car and drives away.... for the last time.


You may say I'm a dreamer


But I'm not the only one....

The search is on. The heart is stirred. A Greater Love is in pursuit... or, is it "being" pursued?.... Sometimes it's hard to tell who is doing the seeking.


The young man finds himself in a small bible study a few days later, invited by an old friend from his past. A "Jesus Freak"... who now, suddenly, doesn't seems so weird after all.

It's an interesting bible study...but, the young man is anxious. Do these people know Jesus? Do they know how to find Him? Do they have any idea how important it is that this young man find Him?.... His very life is at stake.

The study ends. The leader of the bible study has a question. "Is there anyone here who wants to know Jesus Christ?.... Who wants to follow Him?

The young man's hand shoots straight up into the air!

Is this guy for real?

What is he saying? Is Jesus in the back room somewhere?.... Confusion.


But, the young man is all in. Whatever it is that he has to do to find salvation, he's there. Say a prayer. Did a hole and jump in. Crawl through barbed-wire? Run through a fire?.... Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.....

It takes a prayer.

And a heart that is hungry and a soul that is broken and needy. The young man finds himself there again,...at the foot of the cross... looking up into the face of love.... and forgiveness.... and peace... and joy... and LIFE.

Easter, ... 1972. The Easter that changed my life...forever....

I pray that this Easter finds you at the foot of the cross. And I pray that your life is changed,... as mine was... all those years ago. Newness of life. I've never been the same since. My "old friends" can testify to that..... I never looked back.....

to that "old" life.

There's nothing there. ...


"He is risen"!

"He is risen...indeed...."

P.T.S.D. Part two

Thanks to those who responded to my last posting about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Evidently it had meaning to a few of my readers... To elaborate on major symptoms mentioned in previous post. Intrusive thoughts and flashbacks... Flashbacks are the reliving of the traumatic experience, just as if you were back there again. This can be brought on (triggered by): certain sudden explosions, helicopters or motorized heavy equipment, the smell of human waste, decay or blood, diesel or jet fuel, dirty canvass, driving down a dusty or sandy road (especially if you've been in a war zone)...people screaming, crowds, hot, dry days...etc. Only you know what your trigger might be. Isolation and avoidance... You may subconsciously be trying to avoid activities, places or people...things which "might" be a trigger to arouse bad memories. The desire to become a hermit by leaving all behind only takes you further away from the objective to re-integrate into normal social situations. In this case it might be necessary to limit your exposure to people and events and try to use good judgment of when to avoid and when to engage those around you. Emotional numbing... Distancing oneself from a topic of conversation, a situation, person or potential trigger which reminds you of a traumatic event. The fear of losing control emotionally, which causes you to deal in negative, aggressive way. This is why war veterans (or the victims of any trauma) have a hard time talking about their experiences. It brings back too many bad memories, which they believe, should be avoided. Depression... Overwhelming sadness and fear that the feelings your experiencing will never get better. A depressed person can feel helpless, hopeless and unworthy of being loved. A big warning sign is sleeping to excess. This is a way of escape for a lot of people, unless sleeping brings with it nightmares, which is often the case. If that is the case, the person who is depressed often "self-medicates" by excessive drinking or drug use. Depression can be totally overwhelming and anyone experiencing symptoms of depression should be encourage to reach out and get help. Seek out help...find something, anything...to look forward to. Learn to practice self-care. Get a time-consuming hobby. Learn a new skill, spend time with an animal friend, get some good, old-fashioned exercise, find a trusted friend or family member you enjoy being with. Get yourself on a schedule, forcing you to get up, take a shower, get motivated, even if it's just a small thing...set some goals... Anger.... You are angry that you have had to experience what you have experienced. Anger reflects a variety of feelings such as betrayal, lack of trust, frustration, sadness and guilt. Anger is a way of "acting out" frustration, leaving you and those around you stunned and afraid. Often this anger is taken out on loved-ones and can end up in domestic violence. Realize that at the bottom of your anger and frustration is the fact that most of those around you don't understand the depth of the trauma and have no ideal, or reality, as to what you have experienced. Sometimes this anger is the reason for "road rage", a form of acting out your aggression. I talked a bit about this in my last blog. The soldier coming home from Iraq who is used to driving in a convoy that is always hyper vigilant when it comes to driving in traffic. Being cut-off, or rear-ended by another car can be an explosive trigger that can lead to an episode of road rage. Some suggestions that have worked for other veterans are: Physical exercise that is appropriate for your physical limitations Reduction of caffeine, alcohol or drug use Relaxation/study/meditation Well-balanced diet and getting appropriate amount of rest If these are things you can't do on your own or with the help of a close friend or relative, it is critical that you get professional help in this area. Contact the Veterans Administration and they can get you the right help to begin dealing with these issues. We will continue to look at more symptoms of P.T.S.D. next week. As I mentioned before, for war veterans, a great resource is the book, "Down Range...To Iraq and Back" by Bridget C. Cantrell and Chuck Dean. Even though the book deals with the Iraq War, it is relevant to the veterans of any war or military action. Also, a good resource is a video series called "The War Within", ...contact Day of Discovery, P.O. Box 2222, Grand Rapids, MI 49501-2222 or on the web at: www.rbc.org

P.T.S.D.

Most of us don't have an anxiety attack when we we're driving and see a pop can or a dead animal by the side of the road. Most of us don't have the impulse to drive back and forth across lanes of traffic when we're going under a bridge. You might if you've served military duty in Iraq or Afghanistan and wached in horror as one of the vehicles in your convoy was exploded by and I.E.D. (Improvised Explosive Device).... or had someone try to drop a grenade on your vehicle when you were driving under a bridge. Symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Back before there was a proper clinical diagnosis, this post-war phenomenon was simply known as "Battle Fatigue", or "Shell Shock". Soldiers from all nations have suffered from PTSD after confronting the mayhem of war. PTSD occurs when any person, military or not, has been confronted with a traumatic event which involved actual or threatened death or serious physical injury to themselves or others. This is a point in their lives when they responded with intense fear, horror or helplessness. The most recent primary diagnostic criteria for PTSD falls into three groups and are summarized as follows: * Re-experiencing the trauma through nightmares, flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. * Numbing and avoidance of reminders of the trauma. (Avoidance of situations, thoughts and feelings, etc.) * Persistent increased arousal (sleep difficulties, irritability, anger outbursts, startled responses, etc.) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can happen to anyone, even those not in a war zone. Examples might include, rape, a mugging, child abuse, etc. (Consider what the people of Japan are now enduring with the tsunami and the earthquake and nuclear plants).... Any "event" that leaves lasting scars on the memory. One of the men in our church group who has served three terms in Iraq (one as a civilian, still working for the army as a private contractor), recently told us of his own unique challenges since coming home and striving to return to a "normal" life. One of the symptoms he described since coming back from the war is his "hyper-alertness"... always on-guard, watch the people and his surroundings....always looking for the "attack" that could happen at any time. He shared with us that one time, his car was re-ended in an accident. It brought back a flashback of the convoy he was in while Iraq and how the enemy sought to "block in their vehicle" so that they were helpless to escape a fire-fight. Suddenly, just with the impact, as small as it was, to the rear of his vehicle, he found himself back in Iraq, getting ready to fight for his life. Below are the major symptoms of someone suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of them may reveal clues that you, or a loved-one, might be dealing with the results of PTSD. *Depression *Cynicism and mis-trust of government and authority *Anger *Alienation *Sleep disturbances *Poor Concentration *Tendency to react under stress with survival tactics *Psychic or emotional numbing *Negative self-image *Memory impairment *Emotional constriction *Hypersensitivity to justice *Loss of interest in work and activities *Problems with intimate relationships *Survivor guilt *Difficulty with authority figures *Hyper-alertness, Hyper-arousal *Avoidance of activities that arouse memories of trauma in war zone *Emotional distance from children, wife and others *Self-deceiving and self-punishing patterns of behavior, such as an inability to talk about war experiences, fear of losing others, and a tendency to fits of rage. *Suicidal feelings and thoughts *Flashbacks to dangers and combat *Fantasies of retaliation and destruction *High-risk employment and/or recreation Just by acknowledging some of the traits mentioned above can have healing effects for you and your loved-ones. If you or someone you know are exhibiting some of these behaviors you should consider addressing some of these problems in a timely manner. There is help available. For combat veterans I highly recommend the book, "Down Range" to Iraq and Back, written by Bridget C. Cantrell and Chuck Dean (WordSmith Publishing). We'll be looking at this issue further next week in my next Monday Morning Blog.

Green Beer and Snakes

I thought this title might stir some attention......:-)

St. Patrick's Day is approaching. Most folks think of partying....wearing green and drinking green beer. Like myself, most have never given much consideration to the story of St. Patrick. So.....here's a bit...

Patrick was a missionary to Ireland, and the only missionary to be honored with a global holiday, known for it's distinct color of green. Legend has it that he drove all the snakes out of Ireland. Historically this is inaccurate and most likely is simply a reference to Christianity unseating the Druid religion of the time, the Druids being the "snakes".

He was born in the year 373 A.D. in the country that is now "Scotland", the son of a church deacon and the grandson of a priest. As a teenager, his village was raided, his small village torched and Patrick was taken captive by ship to Ireland, where he was sold as a slave to a master who was a druid (a pagan religion). While in Ireland Patrick gave his heart to Jesus Christ. He wrote... "The Lord opened my mind up to awareness of my unbelief in order that I might remember my transgressions and turn with all my heart to the Lord my God".
Patrick eventually escaped from his Irish master and returned home to Scotland.
One night he had a dream and saw in his dream and Irishman calling out to him to come and evangelize Ireland. When Patrick was around 30 years old he returned to his country of captivity and began to preach the gospel. Multitudes turned out to listen to the message, and although he was violently opposed by the Druids, he became the most fruitful evangelist of all time, planting about 200 churches and baptizing 10,000 converts to Christianity.
Patrick's work endured, and centuries later the Irish Church was still producing hymns, prayers, sermons and songs of worship.
An unknown Irish poet wrote a prayer asking God to be His Vision, His Wisdom, and his Best Thought by day or night. In 1905, Mary Elizabeth Byrne, an Irish scholar, translated this poem into English. Later, another scholar, this one from England, crafted it further into verses with rhyme and meter. Eventually it was set to the music of a traditional Irish folk song, "Slane", named for an area where Patrick reportedly challenged the local Druids with the gospel.
Today it is one of the best known, most loved hymns ever written....

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart
Be naught all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best thought, by day or by night
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light

Be Thou My Wisdom and Thou my true Word
I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord
Thou my great Father and I Thy true son
Thou in me dwelling and I with Thee one

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise
Thou mine inheritance now and always
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart
High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art

High king of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, bright heaven's sun
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all

Denial: It's Not A River In Egypt

Charlie Sheen is all over the news. I've watched a few interviews with him. I think, to a lot of people, they're entertaining. I guess they are...to a point. Then again, it's hard to watch a human being implode on national T.V.

When I first saw him I said to myself, "There's a textbook case of addiction and denial. He could be the poster-child for "denial" in the realm of addiction.

There's an old saying, "Denial isn't a river in Egypt".

Denial is a self-defense mechanism that addicts use to reflect any confrontation concerning their drug use or subsequent actions. If one doesn't "see" a problem, then, in their warped way of thinking, they don't have to do anything about it. Nothing has to actually change. "My life is just fine, thank you very much.... now.... butt out!"...

Addiction isn't "subjective". It's not based on how one feels. It's more "objective". It's observable. How has the life you are now living affected those around you? How does it affect your job?... Your children?... Your health?... Your circle of friends? (Assuming that not all your friends share in your addictive behaviors)..

In Mr. Sheen's case, his actions have definitely affected the lives of all the people who work on his television show, those whose jobs have been put in jeopardy by how he has chosen to act.


Another thing that I noticed was the "grandiose" way in which he speaks. He puts himself above all other people. He's "different" than us, the common folk. We couldn't "handle" having his superior brain in our bodies. He's not "terrestrial" like the rest of the human race.


One interviewer mentioned to him that some professionals in the health care field would label him "bipolar", meaning that he has wide mood swings, going from feeling ecstatic to being depressed. Often, addiction and mood disorder goes hand in hand. A person with a mood disorder will often "self medicate" to control the way they feel. Someone who is truly bipolar may use alcohol or pain pills to counter the effects of mania. Someone who is feeling depressed might turn to stimulants like cocaine or amphetamines. It's a constant battle over the emotions to try and "feel right". The disorder can definitely lead to drug abuse and addiction. As many as 60% of people with bipolar disorder have some sort of substance abuse problem that goes along with it. It's called a Dual Diagnosis. I don't know if that is what is going on with Charlie Sheen. Since he doesn't want any professional intervention, then only time will tell.


He mocked the interviewer who suggested he might be bipolar by saying, "So, if I'm bipolar shouldn't there be a time when I crash, when I'm crying, lying in the corner saying it's all my mom's fault? Shut up!"...

Just because his mood swing (if in fact, that's the case) hasn't run it's course, doesn't mean that, in the long-term, he won't find himself right there in that exact position. That takes the disorder into even more dangerous territory. Over-medicating (overdose), or suicide. Perhaps both...accidental suicide by taking too much of a substance. It has happened to quite a few famous folks. Marilyn Monroe is one who comes to mind.


Denial. That's the first hurdle to get over, and by far the hardest one. No one wants to see himself/herself as "different". (Apart from the grandiose feelings associated with mania).


The number one symptom of denial is the "denial" of it's existence. It causes everlasting blindness. It will fight viciously for it's own survival all the way to insanity, institutionalization and even death. Addiction welcomes the person who has vowed to "beat it by themselves". The last thing addiction wants is for others to join in the fight against it. I guess you could call denial a "river". It's the river that carries a person down to a watery grave.


I don't know how Charlie Sheen's story is going to play out. Only time will tell.

I was thinking about him the other night and I heard a still, small voice speaking to me. The voice said, "Why don't you pray for him?"
I thought that was good advice... So I did. I am. I hope you will too. It would be great to see him turn his life around and become a role-model for the power of God and the power of grace.

I believe it could happen.

Keeping Your Eye On The Ball

I started writing this blog in November, 2010. My "New Years" resolution was to write this blog and expound upon issues that dealt with life, love and addiction. One year. Well, I kept it up now for about 15 months and I've gotten some good feedback from folks, which I appreciate.

I started the blog to promote my new CD, "12 Steps And A Winding Road"... and also, to try and "make a difference" in someone else's life. I hope I have succeeded, at least to a small degree.

My first blog was called, "Barn Building". It was inspired by something my son Nate told me about the Amish and how, whenever adversity strikes in the community, or if they simply need it, they get together and work together to make a positive difference. A lot of the time they get together to "build a barn" for someone in the community. Nate told me that he was taking a year of barn-building,... just making himself available to anyone who needed a hand, if he was able to do it. I thought that was pretty admirable. It motivated me to try and do the same thing with my music.

So, this past year I've sort of "put myself out there", making myself available to people, especially as far as my music ministry goes. I've had some good response, but I must admit, for the most part, as I mentioned in a previous blog, I've also had a lot of doors that simply didn't open. Am I disillusioned? Yea, I am somewhat. But, I made a commitment to at least try, and I'm still as willing as ever to be of service.

I wrote a blog called, "The One Thing Rule", about having one thing that you make a commitment to accomplish. That "one thing" might be accomplished in a day, or a week, or a month, or even a year.... but, it is something that you keep on your radar and try to do. If it's a year then you have to handle it in bite-size chunks so it doesn't overwhelm you. That's the way it was the year I recorded the 12-Steps CD.... a bit here and a bit there until I finally got it done.

This year my goal is to get rid of "stuff" in my life that doesn't need to be there. The baggage that somehow all of us acquire that sort of "weighs down" our lives. I want to live a bit more "clutter free".

Do you know what your "baggage" is? Most of the time it's simply "stuff", but, it might even be a relationship with someone who is dragging you down. People can do that. Addicts are told that they need "new playmates" and a "new playground". This is important if they are to achieve any success at sobriety. But, even if you don't consider yourself an "addict", there might be the possibility that, at least in some regard, you might want to consider changing playmates or playgrounds, just for the sake of good health or sanity. This doesn't mean necessarily that you desert your friend(s) altogether. It might simply mean that you need to distance yourself from a particular relationship that is hindering your physical or mental health. Something to think about anyway.



So,... whatever it is that you are trying to accomplish, whether it's building a barn, keeping sobriety, setting any particular goal,.. it's good to remember to keep your eye on the ball....so it doesn't knock you in the head...



If you know of someone who might be interested in my 12-Step music CD, I have made it available on Ebay and plan to keep it on there as long as it seems feasible to do so. You can go to ebay and simply type in the words: 12 Steps And A Winding Road



Thanks again for all your good comments over the year. You've been an encouragement to me.
I may change things up a bit and, though not altogether stopping the blog, I may just limit it to times when I think I have something useful to say and not simply put it out there every week.
If you have some suggestions I'd love to hear them....

Easily Offended?

Offend...Defined as:

"To affront, hurt the feelings of someone; to arouse feelings of disgust in; to act contrary to law, moral principal etc; to cause resentment. (Websters)



"A brother (or sister) offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle".... Proverbs 18:19



I think I offended someone recently.

I got an email from one of my readers telling me to "take me off your list" for 12stepsandawindingroad.

My immediate reaction was, "Well... fine then... done!".... And I simply deleted their name.


A few days later, as I thought about it a bit more, I wish I would have handled it differently. I wish I would have gotten in touch with this person and asked them exactly what I had said in my blog that offended them. I thought the particular blog that weekend had been pretty innocuous, nothing controversial about it at all (I thought). But, there must have been that one line or two that they read which somehow triggered this reaction.

It's easy to offend someone, even when it's not our intention to do so. There have been cases where I have purposely offended someone just because I didn't like them or their position on a subject and I really didn't care whether they were offended or not. I'm not proud of it, ... I think it's just part of the human (fallen) condition.

A few years ago I had a casual business relationship with a company I did a small amount of work for. One day, the business owner was dealing with a customer in a particularly unhelpful way. I thought I was going to be "helpful" and so I told the business owner that there might have been a better way to handle the situation. Bad move. I offended him. His only thought was that I was trying to tell him how to run his business. I thought of it only as a suggestion,... he took it as a hostile takeover.
A couple of days later I called him and apologized for interfering. His response?... "Yea,.. O.K."... And he never called me again to do any work for him. So, obviously, as King Solomon said in Proverbs 18.... The bars to the castle were locked and in place. There was no winning this person's favor.

The longer I travel down this road of life I see how easily our words, and especially, our motives, can be misconstrued. Even though we may mean well when we say certain things, most of the time trying to be helpful and offer what we consider "constructive criticism", we end up simply offending the other person. Sometimes it seems like life is like walking a tightrope across a great chasm... one small slip and it's, as the old saying goes,... all over but the shouting.

I'm sorry that I offended this particular reader with something I said in a blog. I really wish I had pursued it and found out exactly what it was. Perhaps I could have explained things better, or at least had a dialogue.
I guess when one says more than most about life, love and addiction issues, there are going to be some points of contention. I just hope that next time the person writes me a personal note and we can discuss it in an open, honest fashion. I can always be reached at this email address: coloringmoses@yahoo.com

I hope this email address doesn't offend anyone;.... you know... coloring "Moses".
(Could I be belittling a beloved Bible Character?)....

One never knows ....unless they ask.....