Community

Recently I had the privilege of being in a group of men who shared their struggles in recovery from various addictions, hurts and hangups in their lives. One of the men made a profound statment during the meeting: "If I tell you the whole truth about who I am, and you reject me, then I am totally lost...because that's all I've got."
That's all I've got......
This is the human condition summed up succinctly by one who knows that he/she is broken... knows that he/she doesn't meet the "qualifications" to receive love or compassion from others. Another way of describing how we feel about our broken-ness is "self-hatred". We hate it that we are the person that we are, and the way we feel about ouselves is easily transferred to those around us... meaning: If that's the way we see ourselves, then that is how the rest of the world must obviously see us...as unworthy of acceptance, let alone... "unconditonal love".
That's what feeds the cycle of addiciton. I feel guilty... therefore I drink/drug/(insert your own hangup)... this makes me feel more guilty, therefore I drink/drug...and this makes me feel guilty....etc. It most often becomes an endless cycle... the mode of living, a way of coping... a way of not feeling.
Sharon Hersh talks about this in her book, "The Last Addiction", and she says that "healing takes place only in community". The Last Addiction is, in fact, addiction to "self". She says that we end up trying to fix ourselves "with" our broken selves. What she is saying is that it is not possible to do so. Only when we reveal ourselves for the broken persons(s) that we are, in the safety of "community, is there the possibility of getting out of ourselves and into a life of transparency, healing,.. wholeness.
This is why A.A. has been the most successful of any program to redeem alcoholics. There is "community"... a common bond of broken-ness that is shared...experience, strength and hope.
Alcoholics Anonymous was started by two people.. Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob. Two people.... TWO people!... I wanted to emphasize this fact. It only took two people who shared a common struggle with alcohol to experience strength and hope. When Bill Wilson first approached Dr. Bob, the good doctor told him flat-out... "If you are here to help me, then I must tell you,...you can't. I've tried everything. I can't get sober. I am dying from alcoholism".
Then, Bill Wilson said, (I paraphrase)... I'm not here to help you... I'm here to help ME. I just need someone to talk to. I'm also an alcoholic. I just need someone who understands me." The two men unded up talking for hours on end. They shared their "experience", their "feelings about themselves".... and, in doing so, they found the strength and hope, and ability, to not drink.... that day...
And the next day.... And the next day..... And the next day.... One day at a time.
And the two became three. And the three became four... and today there are chapters of Alcoholics Anonymous all around the world. Men and women who have found one another in the common bond of human struggle...who have compassion for one another....who have love for one another, not "in spite of" who they are, but "because' of who they are.
The cry of the human heart. "Please accept me for who I am... the way I am. If you can't..then I am alone. I am completely lost.... because...that's all I've got."
The guys in that room the other night knew. The "wounded healers". They knew they were accepted. They knew they were loved... not in spite of their broken-ness, but "because" of it.
We all were. It was liberating...healing.. it was....grace.