5 Stages of Grieving

Grieving...

This is a subject that I don't like writing about....don't necessarily "want" to write about; But, it's been a rough year. We've seen our share of losses this year.... deaths, near-deaths, losses...jobs, health, marriages....
Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote a book in 1969, "On Death and Dying". It was the first time someone attempted to put into words the emotions that one goes through in the grieving process.
She basically categorized five stages:

1. Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

All of these stages don't necessarily follow in a direct order. They can vary with the individual and the emotions can shift back and forth from one to the other over an extended period of time. This should just be thought of as an "overview" of the subject.

Most people think of grieving only when a loved-one dies, and I believe this has to be the hardest of all losses to cope with. But, everyone does grieve to a certain extent over any loss. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a pet, the loss of health (one that does or doesn't result in death), the loss of a marriage....etc.
For the addict, there is grieving over the loss of a particular addiction, that "something" in their life that gave them the ability to avoid "pain". That is how we humans basically function.... our goal is: "Avoid pain".... "Pursue pleasure". Really, this is what it mainly comes down to, how we try to live our lives.

Denial: "This can't be happening to ME".... "I'm not really facing this issue." There is a saying in Addiction Counseling that "Denial.... is not a river in Egypt". For the addict, this is the first hurdle. Overcoming denial. It often involves family intervention, or, hitting rock-bottom, where the evidence is so overwhelming that denial is no longer an option.

Anger: Seems that this is most of the time directed at "God". After all, isn't HE supposed to intervene and keep these things from happening?... It's a question that has come to the forefront every time there is a tragedy. (I don't have an answer for you... neither did JOB... (you can read his struggle in the Bible in the book of the same title).

Bargaining: This usually involves God also. "O.K. God, if you will get me out of this, then I will do something special for YOU!".... Let's cut a deal.

Depression: The realization that the loss isn't going to be recovered. The marriage isn't going to be fixed, the person isn't going to come back to life (for now), the "self-medication" of the addicted isn't going to be available anymore and now we have to face life on life's terms.

Acceptance: The place where we seek comfort. Accepting the loss but not letting the loss keep us from moving on in our life, keeping us from continuing to see our lives as a series of "turning points" where we can learn and grow from our experiences, whether we view them at this particular time as good or bad.

Grief counseling is a relatively new phenomenon. Just as in A.A. or N.A. or S.A. (for sexual addiction), there is comfort in being with those who can relate to your particular loss on a deeply emotional and spiritual level.
There is too much to cover about this subject in a simple blog. There is a lot of information on the internet and I encourage you to check it out if you are going through a time of loss in your life.
The most important thing in any loss is: Don't try and face it alone. Seek support from friends and family and, if necessary, outside counseling. You might think it's the end of the world,... but, it isn't. There's good help to be found and there are a lot of compassionate people available to walk you through the process.
I know this is a heavy issue. I wish none of us had to deal with it. Just remember, for now or for future reference,.... none of us have to deal with it alone... This should be one of our greatest comforts.