Friendship

When You're down, and you're troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, no nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you gotta do is call and I'll be there yes I will...
You've got a friend



Songwriter: Carol King, Artist: James Taylor



Friendship....

I wrote a blog early this year about my friend, Stan. I hadn't seen him in several years, but when we got together it was just like we had never been separated. We just sort of "took up where we left off".... good fellowship.... a good friend...



When my wife and I were first married we befriended another young, married couple. All of us were struggling financially. I had a pud job that didn't pay much. My wife worked as a visiting nurse so she made fairly decent money and that's pretty much how stayed afloat in those lean years.

This couple we had befriended didn't have any children. We had one and one on the way. For some reason this couple had more of a struggle financially than we did and they never seemed to have two dimes to rub together. (Which is an interesting statement, since what has rubbing dimes together ever had anything to do with ....anything)...?...

Anyway, my wife and I would do what we could to help them out. A dollar or two here and there for gas, perhaps give them some groceries,... whatever we could afford to do. It was a hardship but we didn't mind doing it since they were our "friends", after all....

One night we were all sitting around in our living room, drinking coffee, just chatting about life, when the conversation turned to money woes again. Suddenly the wife turns to her husband and says, "You know, sweetie, if things don't turn around for us we might have to start dipping into our savings."..... Our... SAVINGS?....

I couldn't believe my ears!.... They had... "SAVINGS"!!!... And, here WE were, sacrificing to "Help" them?.... Unbelievable...

Well, to make a long story short, that was the end of our "friendship". We never invited them over or responded again to any of their invitations. We severed that relationship that night.

Looking back, I should have had more of a backbone and really let them have it.... verbally, anyway....but I didn't and that was the end of it.

The reason I am saying all this is simply to say that friendships are extremely important relationships. A good friendship is hard to find, hard to cultivate, and is a real treasure if you can find it and keep it.

There's a scripture in the bible that says, "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".
I truly believe it, for I have experienced it.

If you've got a friend (or "friends")... please don't take that special gift for granted. If you want a friend, then BE a friend, and don't take advantage of the relationship. Send them a note once in awhile (or just say it), and let them know you appreciate them. Be there for them when they are going through a hard time. Rejoice with them when they prosper.

And, if you have money in a savings account,.. don't be asking them for a handout. Friends treat each other with integrity.

Should the sky above you
Turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Just keep your head together and call my name out loud
Soon I'm be knocking upon your door...

You've got a friend...

Characters For Sale

I had a senior pastor of a church I attended about 25 years ago (not the pastor or church I'm in now).... tell this story one Sunday morning from the pulpit. It raised a more than a few eyebrows...

"A well-dressed man meets a woman in a bar and makes her this proposal.... Would you sleep with me if I gave you one million dollars?".... The woman is stunned (momentarily) by the question, and then she thinks it over for a minute and says, "Yes, I guess I would... for a million dollars."
The man then says, "What about for ten dollars?".... The woman looks at him appallingly and says, "Just what kind of woman do you think I am?".... The man retorts: "We've already determined that.... now we're just haggling on the price.".....
The pastor was giving a message that Sunday morning on "Character".... Do we have it?... and, what would it take to cross that line?

Donald Miller, in his book, "To Own A Dragon", recounts a scene from the movie, "The Family Man", starring Nicholas Cage. Nicholas' character is standing behind a woman who is paying for an item at a convenience store. The store owner, played by Don Cheadle, is given a dollar bill by the woman but proceeds to give her back change as if she had handed him a ten-dollar bill. He counts it out to her, giving her back nine dollars in "change". The woman hesitates, just for a split-second, put the money in her purse and walks out the door. The store owner then looks at Nicholas Cage and says, "Did you see that? That woman just sold her character for nine dollars." He knew all along and was simply testing her to see what she would do.

It's tempting..... To sell our character. Maybe we wouldn't do it for nine dollars.... or ninety dollars... or nine hundred dollars... but, what if I were to find a bag full of money along the side of the road?.... Thousands of dollars... just for the taking.
We read, once in awhile, about a person who discovers a large sum of cash. Perhaps it fell out of a Wells Fargo truck and ended up along the side of the road. We read about that person returning the money, not keeping it. And the newspapers and t.v. reporters are always right there asking the question... "Why?".... "Why didn't you just keep the money?".... And usually the person says something like, "Because it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. It wasn't mine to keep."
I love it when I hear stories like that... and I know you do too. I keep telling myself, "Yep, that's what I would do,... return the money!" (I hope I'm not lying to myself)...
But... then again,... there are other ways of selling our character that has nothing to do with monetary gain. Slacking off on the job....robbing our employer of his/her money that they are paying us to work.... Doing something that I know is a bad example to my kids or my wife but doing it anyway... just because "I want to"..... Refusing to apologize when I've really offended someone. Not repaying a debt.... the list could go on and on and on.

One thing I love about A.A. and programs like it is that they insist, not only on dealing with addiction, but they also insist on character-building. They take you through the 12-Step program (there are others, like Celebrate Recovery), and, with each step there is a process that one goes through that in "some way relates to character-building. It's a great thing. A humbling thing, .. but a great thing nonetheless. (Being in Recovery is more than just "not drinking/drugging").... it's a lifestyle change...

I pray, with God's help, to try and maintain good character traits throughout my life. It will definitely take God's help because I know I can be suckered-in really quick to doing stupid things. I have a history.....
Anyway, I think it's important to be careful, to treat ourselves with respect and hold fast to our integrity... and when we screw-up somewhere (we will), to have the courage (and humility) to try to put things right again. Whether it's nine dollars, ninety dollars, or nine million dollars, .. it's still character prostitution.....Just ask my old pastor....