Cutting.. part 3

Signs that your daughter might be cutting, or harming herself in some way...

General defiance
Not fulfilling her responsibilities
Exploding with anger
Withdrawing completely
Becoming unusually passive

It's easy for parents to jump in "full force" and confront their daughter. This can be seen as a "combative" move on the part of the young person and cause them to further raise their defenses. It is advisable to approach the subject with love and concern. The person doing the self-harm is dealing with enough shame and guilt already. They shouldn't be approached in a way that will simply add more shame and guilt to the problem. Confrontation can be a beautiful expression of love if approached in the correct manner. In the case of addicts/alcoholics, there is sometimes an "intervention", when the entire family and close friends get together with an experience counselor to confront the person with the problem. They are not there to be "accusatory" or "blaming", but to simply show the person that they love them and miss the relationship that the drug is stealing them away from. In the same way, parents should express that their concern is for the well-being of their daughter and that they aren't there to judge or condemn but to love them unconditionally.
If the parents are together (married), they should approach the problem from a unified position, both parents agreeing to how the situation should be approached. There should be "unity" on the part of the parents, neither parent blaming the other for perhaps causing the situation in the first place.
The parent(s) should remain calm and maintain that they love their daughter and only want to help her.
The intervention should only take place in a safe environment, some place where there aren't other people around who aren't part of the solution. In other words, it should be done "privately".
The parent(s) should make it an issue of prayer if they believe in God, or a "Higher Power", asking for wisdom in dealing with the situation.
The parent should be armed with reasons/observations that are leading them to bring the issue up. They should be prepared for their daughter to to deny the behavior, so they should be ready to give some examples as to why they have their suspicions.
The parent(s) should constantly remind their daughter of their unconditional love, letting their daughter know that, no matter what she is doing to herself or going through, they are not there to judge her, but simply to love her and help her in her struggles.

For parents to know:
1. Their daughter's struggle with self-harm does not mean or indicate that you are a bad parent!
I've heard over and over again, parents blaming themselves for their addict son or daughter.
No parent is the perfect parent. We all make mistakes in the area of parenting, but blaming
oneself is never a solution to the problem and, most of the time, is actually a hindrance.
2. Submit your feelings and concerns to God or your Higher Power
3. Be humble!....Approach every situation with your child from a standpoint of humility.
4. Remind yourself that you are NOT her Savior, nor are you capable of having the answer to
all problems at all times.
5. Be proactive in helping your daughter realize that God will be YOUR strength as well as HERS
throughout this entire difficult process of helping and healing.

A prayer for parents:

Lord God, I pray for my daughter. I lift her up to You and pray for You to lead and guide her. I pray for her to know she is loved and accepted by You. I thank You in advance for healing her of her pain and I pray that You would empower her with Your Spirit to overcome her desire to self-harm. I pray that she would see her value and importance on this earth, to You, to her parents, to her friends and relatives. I pray that she would live and not die, declaring the works of the Lord on her behalf.
And Lord, I surrender my daughter to You. Lead and guide me as I help my daughter. I surrender MY life to You. I choose to trust You in all of Your ways and trust that You will do a miracle in my family.....

Mercy Ministries:
Founder and President of Mercy Ministries, Nancy Alcorn began her career in corrections and social work. Realizing the inadequacy of secular programs to offer real transformation in the lives of troubled girls, she started Mercy Ministries in 1983, with residential programs now available in several states and internationally. A frequent speaker at conferences around the world, Nancy resides in Nashville, Tennessee. Visit the Mercy Ministries website at:
www.mercyministries.com

If you know of a parent who might be interested in this brief overview on the subject of Self-Harm, please direct them to read this and the last couple of blogs on the issue at:
www.12stepsandawindingroad.com

Thanks and gratitude to everyone who shows concern for the hurting and those suffering from the bondage of addiction(s), in whatever form it takes....