Relationships and electronics

There is an old story about a country that was conquered by a foreign king. The king called-in the Bishop of the local church and demanded "all the treasures of the Church" to be brought to him. The Bishop told him that it might take him a couple of days but that he would, indeed, round-up all the Church treasures and bring them to the new king.

A couple of days later the Bishop appeared in the King's Court. Right behind the Bishop was a bunch of local people.... some finely dressed, some appearing to be dressed very poorly.
The King said to the Bishop, "What have you brought me? Who are all these people? Where's the treasure I told you to bring?"
The Bishop looked up at the king and with a smile on his face said, "These, Sir....ARE the treasures of the Church! These are all people whom God has chosen to make-up HIS Kingdom!.... They are the only true treasures that the Church has."
I'm sure the Bishop was summarily executed by the new king... but, the point was well taken.




People....
People who need people...
Are the luckiest people in the world....

(O.K., How did Barbra Streisand get into my blog?)..... OUT! .... NOW!

My wife and I were at a popular restaurant yesterday evening.

There was a young couple at the table behind us. Husband, wife and small child. The child couldn't have been older than perhaps 5 or 6 years. The little boy was holding some sort of phone, playing video games. His parents were sitting across from each other, both of them on their respective cellphones, chatting away.


A snapshot of the modern American family.....

It seems electronic devices have taken over the world, ... and, most of all, taken over the conversation.
It's so funny,... how we don't t-a-l-k anymore....
(That's another song,... can't remember who it was by).....

But it's too true. We are such a technological society that we are now so absorbed with electronics that it hardly leaves room for conversation, let alone "relationships".

It's a new year.... a new beginning.... a chance to start over....


I hope that if you have children, or a spouse, or a friend,... that you won't neglect them. Keep the conversation going,... or, start conversations that have been lacking.

There is nothing more important than our relationships with other people....and God, of course.

Which reminds me...
A professional football player recently dropped a pass in a big game. He went home and "tweeted" God. Told God, "I praise You 24/7, and what do YOU do? You let me drop the ball!".... (This from a guy who will make more money playing one year of football than I will make in a lifetime). God really gave him a raw deal!....
Actually, if he's going to be mad at God, the tweet should have been, "Hey God, why did you make me one of the stupidest people on the planet?"...... tweeting God....brilliant...

I don't think God reads our "tweets",... but, I think He is involved in our conversations, and more specifically, our relationships.

This year I hope all of us will concentrate on what is really important..... our relationships. These are our true treasures.... other people.

Don't let technology, .....whether it's television, texting, tweeting, Facebooking, video games or whatever, rob you of the unique opportunity to have real, true relationships....

New Year's Resolutions

It's hard to believe that I started writing this blog over a year ago,... actually, I believe, in November of last year. I had a couple of New Year's Resolutions. One, was to continue to write this 12-Step blog for at least one year. I wanted it to be a blog about life, love and addiction issues. Some of them have been taken from real life, some from the lives of others, favorite authors, movies, friends and family.... a lot of old memories. In a lot of ways it was a cathartic experience, remembering some childhood events and seeing how they helped to shape the person that I am today... some good, some bad, some totally indifferent...
Another resolution I had was to do something positive with my musical talent. Most of you know me as a singer/songwriter. I have produced four CD's worth of recorded music. I found myself with a lot of CD's simply cluttering up my basement shelves. In the book-publishing world they call self-publishing "vanity publishing",.. meaning, that you want to see your work in print and, since no one will actually "publish" you,... you simply publish yourself and have a bunch of books printed.
A couple of years ago I attended a funeral of a person who had "self-published" several books. They had the books stacked-up at the funeral and told folks to take a book or two with them after the funeral. I thought that was a fine idea... but, at the same time, I thought it was sort of sad. This person had accumulated a bunch of books that he had kept in boxes in his basement or closet.
Over the years I have accumulated quite a collection of "self-published" CD's. Last year, one of my resolutions was to try and do something positive with them. I thought about doing a bunch of concerts, raising some money to support a couple of local charitable causes and giving at least a portion of my CD sales away to support these efforts also.
I knocked on a lot of doors.... and, to my amazement, I had a lot of doors slammed in my face!
A lot of my music is Spiritual in nature so I guess I thought that a lot of churches would be open to support what I was doing and would be willing to host a concert. Boy, was I wrong.
I'm still amazed at how closed-off most churches are, doing their own thing, and very much opposed to having anyone outside of their borders come in and do anything different from what they consider "the norm". Perhaps it's simply an indication of how crazy the world has become and how easy it is to want to "circle the wagons". (If you like old Westerns then you know what that means)..... my apology to any Indian readers. Glad we don't do that anymore.)....Not with "wagons" anyway.....
This is not to say that the year was a total wash. I did end up playing a half-dozen such concerts and it was a very rewarding experience. All things being ideal, it should have been twenty or thirty. I still find myself at year's end with a closet full of CD's and a willingness to keep putting one foot in front of the other to try and accomplish my ultimate goal.... to die CD FREE!....(Sort of sounds weird, doesn't it?.... saying it like that)....
That's the thing about New Years Resolutions. We try,... and we do well for a few days.. or weeks,.. and then, .... we mess-up and cave-in..... Whether it's a desire to follow a particular diet and lose weight, give up smoking, drinking, drugging, cat-wrestling,.... whatever. When we fail the first time we find it hard to get up, brush ourselves off, and keep "keepin' on"...
So, despite some past disappointments I have resolved to keep on "keepin' on", committing my desires to God and letting Him have his way with my life... one day at a time. Perhaps I won't be any more successful this year than last year... but, that's o.k. The goal is to keep looking forward and to keep trying to do my best, using the time, talent and abilities that God has given me to try and make it a better world.... better for my friends, family, acquaintances... people I don't know and haven't even met yet. I pray for the grace to keep on going forward, and if I fall down, to get back up again, brush myself off and keep on walking....
Do YOU have some "New Year's Resolution(s)" you are looking forward to keeping?
I wish you success. Most of all, I hope that if you fall-down and break your resolution, I pray that you will get back up and keep moving forward. After all,.... it's just "a day".... it's not your "life"....
And, if I die before the year is out and you happen to attend my funeral,.... grab a few CD's and give them to some friends and family.... and strangers.
I won't mind....really. I think. :-)

Christmas 2010

"Unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David's throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord will accomplish this." Isaiah 9:6-7

The prophet Isaiah predicted the birth of the Messiah, the One who would come and bring everlasting peace to the world.
Jesus came and fulfilled ALL of the scriptures pertaining to the Messiah, leading up to his death and resurrection. I believe there were around 70 prophecies that He fulfilled to validate His place in history and in God's plan of redemption.
So....
Where's the peace?.... The world is still very much in conflict,.... wars and rumors or wars,... corrupt governments,....genocide,..... crazy dictators in unstable countries....

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. " Luke 14"1-4

"They (Jesus' disciples) were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressing in white stood beside them. "Men of Galilee, they said, why do you stand there looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven." Acts 1:10-11

I once heard a sermon where the preacher said that looking at Jesus in prophecy is like looking at a mountain range. In full view is a mountain that depicts the arrival and life of Jesus Christ on the earth,... his birth, ministry, death and resurrection. On the other side of that mountain is another mountain, shielded from view by the first. This second mountain represents all the prophecies concerning Jesus' second coming to earth to rule and reign as King of Kings and Lord of Lords,... to fulfill the prophecy like the last part of Isaiah 9.
In between these two mountains is a valley,.... which represents a span of time.
This "valley" is where we find ourselves presently. These are the "days of grace", the time in which the Good News is preached to the ends of the earth. A day is approaching when Jesus Christ shall return again and put an end to all of the wars, sin and corruption we are now experiencing. Nobody knows for sure exactly when that day will come, but, as with all of the other prophecies that have been fulfilled to the letter, so will the prophecies concerning Jesus' return.
As we celebrate Christmas, the advent of His first coming, let us also consider that the story is still in process... the script is still being written, the final chapter is yet to be presented upon the world's stage. Christmas is a good time to reflect, ... to remind ourselves that the excitement and drama of Christ's first appearing will actually pale in comparison to when He returns in His resurrected glory! Great things await to be revealed.
When we see the world in the shape that it is in today, remember the words of Jesus: "Let not your heart be troubled. Believe in God, ... believe in ME also."....
Jesus... the same, "Yesterday, Today... and ... Forever"... Hebrews 13:8

We hear a lot of Christmas carols this time of year. One of my favorite Christmas songs is one that doesn't get a lot of airplay on the radio. It was written by one of my favorite songwriters, Skip Ewing. The song: "It Wasn't His Child"
You can listen to it at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfjWzy12xlE

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas!

Cutting.. part 3

Signs that your daughter might be cutting, or harming herself in some way...

General defiance
Not fulfilling her responsibilities
Exploding with anger
Withdrawing completely
Becoming unusually passive

It's easy for parents to jump in "full force" and confront their daughter. This can be seen as a "combative" move on the part of the young person and cause them to further raise their defenses. It is advisable to approach the subject with love and concern. The person doing the self-harm is dealing with enough shame and guilt already. They shouldn't be approached in a way that will simply add more shame and guilt to the problem. Confrontation can be a beautiful expression of love if approached in the correct manner. In the case of addicts/alcoholics, there is sometimes an "intervention", when the entire family and close friends get together with an experience counselor to confront the person with the problem. They are not there to be "accusatory" or "blaming", but to simply show the person that they love them and miss the relationship that the drug is stealing them away from. In the same way, parents should express that their concern is for the well-being of their daughter and that they aren't there to judge or condemn but to love them unconditionally.
If the parents are together (married), they should approach the problem from a unified position, both parents agreeing to how the situation should be approached. There should be "unity" on the part of the parents, neither parent blaming the other for perhaps causing the situation in the first place.
The parent(s) should remain calm and maintain that they love their daughter and only want to help her.
The intervention should only take place in a safe environment, some place where there aren't other people around who aren't part of the solution. In other words, it should be done "privately".
The parent(s) should make it an issue of prayer if they believe in God, or a "Higher Power", asking for wisdom in dealing with the situation.
The parent should be armed with reasons/observations that are leading them to bring the issue up. They should be prepared for their daughter to to deny the behavior, so they should be ready to give some examples as to why they have their suspicions.
The parent(s) should constantly remind their daughter of their unconditional love, letting their daughter know that, no matter what she is doing to herself or going through, they are not there to judge her, but simply to love her and help her in her struggles.

For parents to know:
1. Their daughter's struggle with self-harm does not mean or indicate that you are a bad parent!
I've heard over and over again, parents blaming themselves for their addict son or daughter.
No parent is the perfect parent. We all make mistakes in the area of parenting, but blaming
oneself is never a solution to the problem and, most of the time, is actually a hindrance.
2. Submit your feelings and concerns to God or your Higher Power
3. Be humble!....Approach every situation with your child from a standpoint of humility.
4. Remind yourself that you are NOT her Savior, nor are you capable of having the answer to
all problems at all times.
5. Be proactive in helping your daughter realize that God will be YOUR strength as well as HERS
throughout this entire difficult process of helping and healing.

A prayer for parents:

Lord God, I pray for my daughter. I lift her up to You and pray for You to lead and guide her. I pray for her to know she is loved and accepted by You. I thank You in advance for healing her of her pain and I pray that You would empower her with Your Spirit to overcome her desire to self-harm. I pray that she would see her value and importance on this earth, to You, to her parents, to her friends and relatives. I pray that she would live and not die, declaring the works of the Lord on her behalf.
And Lord, I surrender my daughter to You. Lead and guide me as I help my daughter. I surrender MY life to You. I choose to trust You in all of Your ways and trust that You will do a miracle in my family.....

Mercy Ministries:
Founder and President of Mercy Ministries, Nancy Alcorn began her career in corrections and social work. Realizing the inadequacy of secular programs to offer real transformation in the lives of troubled girls, she started Mercy Ministries in 1983, with residential programs now available in several states and internationally. A frequent speaker at conferences around the world, Nancy resides in Nashville, Tennessee. Visit the Mercy Ministries website at:
www.mercyministries.com

If you know of a parent who might be interested in this brief overview on the subject of Self-Harm, please direct them to read this and the last couple of blogs on the issue at:
www.12stepsandawindingroad.com

Thanks and gratitude to everyone who shows concern for the hurting and those suffering from the bondage of addiction(s), in whatever form it takes....

Cutting... Part 2

This is a continuation of last weeks' blog on Cutting, .... described as "Self-Harm"...

I took my notes from a presentation at my church by Laura Rink, who worked this past summer as a counselor for teenage girls. The camp is a Christian Camp and so this subject was approached from a Christan perspective. I know that not all who read this blog may have the same belief system and may approach this and other subjects differently. I am presenting it as it was presented to me. I hope you, the reader, will take this into consideration. As I said previously, this issue of cutting is a serious psychological problem and if you know someone who is self-mutilating in any way, you should talk to a professional counselor and try to get help for them....whether it's a Christian Counselor or a secular one.

Breaking Free:
Talking about your emotions
Writing down your feelings daily (Journaling)
Drawing and Painting
Praise and Worship
Prayer
Reading the Bible
Christian Counseling

Forgiving Others:
Allowing unforgiveness to take root in your life is a stumbling block to freedom. (Note: This applies to breaking free of ALL addictive, destructive behaviors.)
Realizing that we have been forgiven by God frees us to forgive others. Refusing to forgive locks our pain inside of us.
We also need to realize that forgiveness is not an emotion, but it is a choice. It's a starting place to simply say the words, making the choice to say the words daily, even praying for that person whom we hold resentment for. The feelings will come later. Perhaps slowly, but they will come.
Also, unforgiveness keeps us bound to the control of others and their abuse.

Forgiving yourself:
I think this is a big one. Forgiving yourself. Actually, most of us don't think about this one, so we end up on an endless cycle of self-hatred, without even realizing it. It may be hard to forgive yourself for things you've done in the past. They key is: If you can honestly believe that God has the capacity to forgive you, and to even "choose" to forget what you have done in the past, how can you NOT forgive yourself? It's as if you are saying, "I know better than God what I do or don't deserve."..
This subject of forgiveness, .. for others AND yourself, is stressed in all Addiction Counseling, regardless of the addiction or struggle, and I believe it's something that all of us human beings deal with (or don't deal with) at some level in our lives.

For Parents:
In families where a high value is assigned to public reputation, girls especially, tend to feel extreme pressure to portray an image of perfection. In the role that religion plays in a persons' life this often results in the feeling that unless their life matches up to some "ideal" that they have been taught to believe, it can lead to the feeling of being a "failure". This, on turn can lead to a cycle of shame and guilt which simply compounds the problem.
It's important to realize that we aren't perfect,.. not even "close" to perfect,.. and never, in this life, will be.
The only perfect person who ever lived was Jesus Christ. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, something that a friend once told me. "Jesus didn't come into this world so that we could be like Him... He came because we " Couldn't". He came to die in our place and to give us His righteousness as a free gift.... through grace alone. No "Works" involved... no "striving for unattainable perfection"......

Parents, especially, can unknowingly have a negative impact on the emotions of a young person struggling to find their place in a world that portrays images of perfection. We are bombarded with advertisements and television programs which seem to solidify this belief of the "perfect life",... the "perfect body".
I personally believe that there is a great lack of communication between parents and their children and that many parents have abdicated their responsibility to teach and nurture correct thinking and have turned their children over to education via television, movies, music,... the mass media.
In my next blog I will address this issue of parenting further.

Hope you all have a great week!.....

Cutters

This blog, 12 Steps And A Winding Road, is intended to be about "life, love, and addiction issues".


I think this subject of "Cutting" falls into this category in a big way....


My pastor's daughter, Laura Rink, did a presentation at our church regarding the issue of people who cut themselves. She was exposed to this after spending time this past summer at a camp for troubled teens.... as a counselor,... not a troubled teen. (Thought I should clear that up before I had to backtrack and undo some damage there)... :-)


God bless Laura for having a heart to be a counselor. It's a tough struggle. Most folks don't want to be "counseled".... thus, the challenge with the entire concept....


When I was getting my degree in drug and alcohol counseling, this issue of "cutting" never came up. It was never on the radar, but I think it falls right in there with all "addiction" issues and the underlying problems, along with the solutions, share much similarity.


If you have teenagers, or are around any teenagers, more than likely there is a connection to this issue of cutting. It's becoming more and more prevalent in this post-modern era.

Laura's source of information, besides the experience at the camp, is taken from a book by Nancy Alcorn, published in 2007.


If this is a problem for you or someone in your immediate family or circle of friends, I would recommend that you rush out and get a copy of the book!....


In my next couple of blogs I will try to loosely cover some of the salient aspects of this disturbing phenomenon...


"Cutting".... defined as doing "self-harm".... a deliberate, impulsive harming of the body, mostly done in secret and often hard to detect. Most cutters cut themselves in areas of their bodies that aren't likely to be exposed... to friends... parents... teachers.... the public.




Can also be symptomized by:


1. The cutting itself


2. A constant scratching as a response to psychic pressure or unexpected circumstances which cause stress. Also, picking at scabs and preventing the healing process from taking place.


3. Burning the skin on a regular basis with erasers, fire, or small heat-conducting objects.


4. Punching the body, including beating the head against walls or other inanimate objects.


5. Biting the inside of the mouth or the skin of the arms, hands or legs.


6. Pulling hair out.. including eyelashes and eyebrows.


7. Breaking bones or severely bruising the body.






What's behind this type of behavior?


Destructive emotions



Escape


Past or present abuse


Family dysfunction


Depression


Shame









Many of you might notice that these are some of the same issues that drive drug addiction and alcoholism, even sexual addiction.




Why do some people.... drink excessively..... take drugs....Involve themselves in destructive sexual behaviors...... "cut themselves"...... ?



The answer is: (drum roll please).......Because it feels good.



To most people this may seems like an incongruent answer, but it is an accurate one nonetheless.

As I stated in a previous blog... the human condition can be defined fairly simply... to "pursue" pleasure.... and to "avoid" pain.





The key in understanding addiction is to understand that there is more than just one type of pain. There's the "physical" pain we're all familiar with. Then, there is the "emotional" pain that we all go through on some level. Most of us who aren't addicts have better coping mechanisms to deal with psychic pain. Live is always painful on some front, in varying degrees of severity.


To the person who cuts themselves, the physical pain of mutilating the body is actually a release from a deeper, "psychic" pain, ... perhaps a pain that is so deep that it can't be "felt", (at least in the normal way we think about feelings),...so it has to come out in some other way other than a typical way of coping, the way life is dealt with by most people.

Just as the addict or alcoholic is using drugs and/or alcohol, the act of "cutting" actually feels better than the internal pain. Over time, this release of emotion becomes a continual thing, leading to addiction.

I've had heroin addicts tell me that part of the joy of getting "high" is actually the use of the needle. Most folks shudder at the thought of getting a shot, where the drug addict has taken the feeling of the poke of the needle on the skin and deeply associated it with the high of the drug. Addiction is indeed, cunning and baffling...




This is a pretty heavy issue. I will continue to try and convey some more information about this issue in my next blog.



In the meantime, like I said at the beginning,... IF you know someone who is experiencing this, or you are experiencing it yourself,... run, don't walk... and get a copy of the book "CUT" by Nancy Alcorn. You will need this information to move forward in getting help for yourself, a friend, or a loved-one.....



Thanks Laura, for bringing this issue to my attention and allowing me to make use of some of your material to convey this message to my readers...

You can find websites for the book by doing a search on Google and putting in the words "CUT' and "Nancy Alcorn"

The Confession Booth Part 2

"I like your Christ. I don't not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

The statement above has been attributed to Mahatma Gandhi.

I don't know for sure whether he said it or not... but I'm sure it's been said somewhere, at some time, or at least the sentiment expressed by more than just a handful of people.

Last week I talked about my experience at one of the performing rights organizations. If you aren't familiar with it you should leap back a week and read it.

It's too easy for me to judge someone based on one single, isolated experience. Everyone has their bad days. It seems some folks, myself included have their share of bad days, .. even bad weeks.
There is an old bumper sticker that says, "I'm not perfect,... just forgiven".

Personally, I never liked that sentiment, for I think it is a backhanded way of making an excuse for the way we live and act and treat other people. I know that when I am offended by someone, having them tell me, "Hey, I'm not perfect.... I'm just forgiven"... just makes me want to slap them around.
"I'm so happy that GOD has forgiven you!.... Now, maybe He'll forgive me for the way I'm about to dance on the top of your head!".....

I picked up a copy of a book written by Donald Miller. The book is called, "Blue Like Jazz". I bought it because I really liked the title. My brother was a great Jazz musician and played the saxophone. He was amazing.
Anyway, the forward to the book reads:

"I never liked Jazz music because Jazz music doesn't "resolve". But I was outside the Baghdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that, I liked Jazz.
Sometimes you have to watch someone love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't "resolve." But that was before any of this happened.".....

Donald Miller was a Christian who decided that, instead of taking the familiar Bible College route to education, he was going to attend one of the most secular universities in the U.S.
Each year at this college they shut down the campus for a weekend so that the students can party... get drunk, get stoned, get naked... whatever. (Now, some of you are saying, "Where IS this college... I want to go there!")....

Anyway,... while Don was at this college he was part of a small group of Christians who were trying to be a good witness for Jesus Christ.
So... on this particular weekend, when everything was so crazy, and the folks were partying hard,... the Christians set up a "Confession Booth." They built this little wooden booth with a partition in it so folks could "confess" and get right with God.

Nope. Not really....

You see, the Christians sort of "turned the table" on the whole concept of "confession".

When one of the students could stumble into the booth, they would sit in a chair and say something like, "O.K. What do you want me to confess?"....
Then, the "Christian student would say, "No I don't want YOU to confess. I want you to hear MY confession."
"Really?... That's really weird. But, O.K..... go ahead,... I'm listening."

Then the Christian student would "confess" .....that they hadn't really always been a good witness for Christ,... that often they would be totally self-centered, selfish, inconsiderate of other people's feelings.
"I'm really sorry that I've dragged the name of Jesus through the mud by my actions, comments, negativity, self-righteous attitude.....
Would you be willing to forgive me for that?. I don't want anything in return... just that you would forgive me for the times I've been so UN-Christ-like."...

Most of the time the secular student would say something like.... "Well, yea, I guess so. I mean, we ALL act stupid sometimes, say things that we should, that we wish we wouldn't have, have done things we wish we could take back..... So.... yes, I forgive you."

Then, they might stumble back out of the Confession Booth and go on back and party-on....

But, it might make them think.
It made ME think.....

I don't know about the lady at the performing rights organization. I can't judge her. That's between her and her God.
All I know is that there have been days in my life, as a Christian, I would make her look like a saint by my words, my negativity, by my actions.
For all the times I've dragged the good name of Jesus through the mud of my own life... I'm sorry.

I hope you'll forgive me....

A friend of mine once said, "Jesus didn't come into our lives so we could be like Him. He came because He knew we couldn't."....

I like that. Because it's so.... true.

The Confession Booth (part 1)

"Why did I make an appointment with you?"......

She said, again, ....for about the third time in the last 15 minutes.

Me: "I don't know. Maybe because you're a moron and you should never have been given this position in the first place?"....

O.K. I didn't actually SAY that.... but I THOUGHT it... and would have liked to have been able to say it....

So goes my experience with one of the leading performing rights societies. There are three of them... B.M.I. (Broadcast Music Inc.),... ASCAP (American Society of Composers, Artists and Publishers).. and SESAC ( Society of European Singers, Actors, and Composers)....

If you are a songwriter you are often told to make an appointment to see someone at one of the performing rights societies and have them listen to some of your songs. If they like what they hear, then they will refer you to a reputable publisher.... and, hopefully, you can move on up the proverbial "ladder" to the next step in your career.

I had made my appointment weeks earlier with this particular one and had made the 12-hour drive to Nashville to keep the appointment and get some of my songs listened to and evaluated.
The woman who met me in the lobby had made this statement upon my arrival. "Who are you, and why did I make an appointment to see you today?".....

This didn't bode well for our meeting. Nope, not a good sign.

I explained that I had indeed scheduled this appointment for "today" and would she please listen to some of my songs?......
Begrudgingly she had me follow her to a small office. She said, "I don't have much time... what have you got?"
I pulled out several songs and she stuck the first one into the CD player..... listened to about the first 20 seconds, stopped it, gave it back to me.... "What else?".... I gave her another song... Same response...
This went on for about 3 or 4 minutes. I could tell she didn't really want to listen to the songs. I could tell she was perturbed by my taking up her precious, valuable time.

Finally, she simply said, .. "I don't know why I made this appointment for today. I'm really busy right now getting ready for the Christian Music Awards.

In case you didn't catch that the first time: .... The CHRISTIAN Music Awards.!!!

Wow. She was busy working on the CHRISTIAN Music Awards..... and that was the reason she was being a real .... a real... well, you know.... a real....(It rhymes with "witch"...).....

She threw me totally off-guard with this remark. Actually, I didn't know what to say,.. or think, or do,....right at the moment...

So I simply said, "Well, thanks for your time.... maybe I can come back at a later date and, .. perhaps,... you could listen to some of my songs then."

"Fine, she said. I gotta go."...

I felt like she had done everything short of having Security throw me out the door. I should have been glad she didn't have a Pit-Bull handy to take a few bites out of a leg... or worse.

I packed up my little bag of songs and shuffled off towards the main entrance, feeling totally like an idiot... feeling totally dejected, rejected, ... discombobulated.... (fill in your own words)...
It was a looooong 12-hour drive back home..... and about $500 poorer for my time, gas, food, hotel stay....etc.

I never went back. At least I never want back to THAT performing rights organization. (I'm sure they're feeling really bad about it).. (sarcasm)....

That was years ago, and since then I have found a terrific publisher on my own,.... thank you very much...
But, the experience stayed with me.
Perhaps there was a lesson to be learned here. Maybe God was trying to tell me something... and it was up to me to listen and learn....
I'm still trying....

And, in the meantime, I happened upon something that sort of put it in perspective for me...

(to be continued).....

Real Men Don't Cry?

Keep having this dream about my old man
I'm ten years old and he's holding my hand
We're talking on the front porch watching the sun go down
But it was just a dream, he was a slave to his job and he couldn't be around
There's so many things I'd like to say to him
But I just place a rose on his grave and I talk to the wind

I don't know why they say grown men don't cry
I don't know why they say grown men don't cry

I'm sitting here with my wife and kids
And everything I hold dear in my life
We say grace and thank the Lord
Got so much to be thankful for
Then it's up the stairs and off to bed and my little girl says
"I haven't had my story yet"

And everything weighing on my mind disappears just like that
When she lifts her head off her pillow and says
"I love you dad"...

And I don't know why they say grown men don't cry
And I don't know why they say grown men don't cry

(From the song: "Grown Men Don't Cry" by Tim McGraw)

Tim McGraw is the epitome of one of the "Good Old Boys"
Songs about rugged Country Life, being the ultimate "Cowboy"...

One of the first songs of his career was called, "Don't Take The Girl"
The first time I heard it I had to pull the car over because... well,,, because... it's hard to drive and cry at the same time.... An extremely moving song...

Recently there have been some folks on T.V. talking about men who cry. Right now John Boehner is all over the news because he sort of had a "perclempt" moment while talking about his political career.
Glenn Beck gets hammered a lot because he has a tendency to get teary-eyed when he talks about America, America's Founders, ..... his family.... God.....

I know I'm a very emotional guy. My wife says it makes me a good songwriter. I don't know about that, I just know that things effect me deeply and my emotions usually present themselves with salty tears. I try to hide it the best I can.
"I just got something in my eye"..... "darn Kansas sand storms!"....

I also realize that tears can be deceptive. I think about when Jimmy Swaggert was on t.v., crying big-time over his dalliances with prostitutes. Was he sorry?....Or sorry that he got caught?... Sorry that he betrayed the trust of his friends and family and church, or sorry that his multi-million-dollar "ministry" just took a huge financial hit?..... I don't know...
I do know that he was unwilling to follow good counsel and step down "for a season" to get help with the issues in his life. To me, that means that his tears were pretty much a sham. That's just my opinion, ......based on some good evidence. I saw him on t.v. recently... they didn't "pan" the audience.... for good reason.... there weren't many of them to pan... (You can have tears without real repentance..... and you can have real repentance without tears).

Tears. Do "Real Men" cry?

There are some "evolutionary scientists" who say that it's a sign of being on "top of the evolutionary chain"....that humans are the only "animals" with the ability to cry.
I don't know if that's true or not. Since I don't believe in evolution anyway, it's probably a moot point. I think my cat cried the other day when I accidentally stepped on his tail. They might have been tears of anger since I have a habit of doing that quite often. I do know that cats can cuss. Where that puts them on the "evolutionary chain"... God only knows....

Anyway, for all those who like to engage in arguments over whether it's manly or "sissified" for a guy to shed tears once in awhile..... I have only two words to say.........

It's the shortest verse in the Bible... but it speaks volumes...

John 11: 35

Jesus Wept.

I Am What Is Wrong With The World

There's a story I read about the trial of a Nazi prison guard following the Jewish emancipation from the horrendous prison camps during World War 2.

An elderly Jewish man attended the trial. When a former prison guard was led into the courtroom, the former war prisoner broke down. He wept uncontrollably and was ushered from the courtroom.

His friends and family were trying to comfort him. "I know you must be terribly upset to see this Nazi SS Officer, after you suffered so much mistreatment at his hands."

The old man looked up at them and said, "No, that's not the reason I'm crying. The reason is, because, when I saw this man, dressed in regular civilian clothes, I realized, for the first time, that he was just an ordinary man... like me. He was.... just like me. I could have been that man!.... and it terrified me to think of myself as a monster, the way I had always previously envisioned... him."



G.K. Chesterton was a Christian writer in England in the early twentieth century. One day the local newspaper ran an article decrying the state of the world. (This was almost 100 years ago). The article sighted some of the world's problems and asked it's readers to answer this one question: What Is Wrong With The World?

Mr. Chesterton wrote back his short answer.



Dear Sirs: I am



Sincerely,

G.K. Chesterton



G.K. Chesterton's simple answer to this age-old question inspired me to write the song, "I Am What Is Wrong With The World".... and I included it on an album I recorded, "Every Road Leads Me Home", in 2006.

I've had people tell me that they love the song. I've had people tell me that they hate the song, ... and I've had many who said they didn't understand the song and it's message.



The Bible says that we have "all" sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. I must include myself in this "all"...

Given the right (or wrong) circumstances in life, what are we indeed capable of?

Are we the oppressed or the oppressor? Or both at the same time?



Anyway, this week I offer up the controversial song for your consideration. Agree or disagree, I think it's something to consider...



You can click on this link to hear it and read the lyrics.....

http://songramp.com/Flyingsheep



I would love to hear your opinions... good, bad or indifferent.

Jesus, Take The Wheel

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
'Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel...


From the song, "Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood


I had an acquaintance ask me recently, "Does Jesus run your life?"

Pretty direct question, but I like those types of questions,... the brutally, let's cut to the chase,... honest ones....


"Yes, well.... I would have to say He does. I mean, I try to turn everything over to Him every day and pray for the sense to pay attention to what's going on around me,... you know, just in case He's trying to steer me in a particular direction."



Then this fellow says to me: "Well, that's the way I use to feel, ... but now... I'm thinking about taking the wheel back. I think I could do a lot better job of running my life than He is. If Jesus is driving then He's doing a poor job of it."



Interesting..... But, in all candor, I think this is the way most of us might "feel" at some given point in our lives. After we've let Jesus take the wheel.. (Or, as they say in recovery, our "Higher Power"... take the wheel...)...



In our Western culture I think most of the time we have this view of Jesus, "Taking the wheel"...

We will "let' Him take the wheel, perhaps even "beg" Him to take the wheel (because the car is headed for a cliff). Then, what we expect is this:

Jesus drives us to the beach. It's a beautiful, sunny day, the ocean waves roll soothingly back and forth. Then, He sets up the beach umbrella, lays out a nice "blankey" on the smooth, white sand..... and says something like, "I'm going over the the Tiki Hut. Can I bring you back a nice, cool drink, maybe one of those ones with the little umbrella in it,... on the rocks?.... Anything else?... Lobster roll?... Something from the souvenir stand? Just let me know."


That's the impression we get from a lot of t.v. preachers. You know the ones. I like to refer to them as the "Amway" gospel preachers. "You too can be a Diamond Direct!"... Just send me money and people below you (whoever "they" are) will send YOU money, and the people below them will send THEM money!"
What a racket....not that I would mention any names... Joel, Creflo, Benny, Kenneth/Gloria....

But I digress...(or do I)?


I have, over the years, gotten a bit different picture of "Jesus, Take The Wheel"...


My scenario goes something like:



"Uh,... Jesus.. I know I said "take the wheel", and don't think I don't appreciate all You're trying to do.... but, did You realize where we are?!!!!.... I mean, ... take a look around. We're in the BAD part of town for God's sake!... Oh sorry, didn't mean to say that.... I mean, "WE'RE IN THE BAD PART OF TOWN... for (Pete's) sake!"....


And Jesus says:... "No, you were right the first time. We ARE in the bad part of town... for "God's" sake. There's people here I want you to meet. Where did you "think" we were heading.... to the beach?".....

Then He sort of chuckles.



"Well, yes, the beach does sound nice."
I pound on the dash.
"I think our GPS must be broken".


Jesus: You mean the "God Positioning System?"....


God Positioning System?........ What?



I suddenly realize (or, more accurately, over time... realize) that when God takes the wheel He has a tendency to travel in areas I don't necessarily want to go, goes to places I don't want to see, hangs out with people I don't want to meet, gets me into circumstances that I try, on my own, to avoid. (I should have know this was going to happen just from reading the Gospels. Jesus always seemed to hang out with the "wrong crowd"...)


Anyway, this "take the wheel" question was posed in a great book I just read called, "Flirting With Faith" by Joan Ball. Joan, an avowed atheist, finds herself on a remarkable journey of faith and gives Jesus the wheel. It looks like it's going to be a great ride....for awhile. Then, some things start to unravel. There's an unexpected illness,... a death in the family... an unwanted career change...money problems. Jesus is taking her places she doesn't really want to go.... and she asks the question: "Is it time to take the wheel back?".....


Then, she answers her own question, .. with a question. "Where would I be today if I hadn't turned everything over to HIM?"....

What kind of person would I be today?

Would I be a kinder person? More sensitive? A gentler person? A more compassionate person? A more loving individual? Most importantly, would I have this supernatural inner peace that, no matter what happens, everything's going to be O.K.? Would I be able to have an eternal perspective on life?

Or would I have continued to keep driving... straight off the cliff?


It's a good question....an honest question. I don't think God minds us asking it. Should I give HIM the wheel? Should I "trust" HIM? CAN I trust HIM?....

Is where He taking me to a good place... for God's sake....? For MY sake?...


Only you can answer that question.......

As for me... when it comes to "steering" my own course... I've always been a terrible driver....


Just food for thought as we travel down this road of life....

Have a great week....

And remember....no texting and driving...

5 Stages of Grieving

Grieving...

This is a subject that I don't like writing about....don't necessarily "want" to write about; But, it's been a rough year. We've seen our share of losses this year.... deaths, near-deaths, losses...jobs, health, marriages....
Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote a book in 1969, "On Death and Dying". It was the first time someone attempted to put into words the emotions that one goes through in the grieving process.
She basically categorized five stages:

1. Denial
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

All of these stages don't necessarily follow in a direct order. They can vary with the individual and the emotions can shift back and forth from one to the other over an extended period of time. This should just be thought of as an "overview" of the subject.

Most people think of grieving only when a loved-one dies, and I believe this has to be the hardest of all losses to cope with. But, everyone does grieve to a certain extent over any loss. It could be the loss of a job, the loss of a pet, the loss of health (one that does or doesn't result in death), the loss of a marriage....etc.
For the addict, there is grieving over the loss of a particular addiction, that "something" in their life that gave them the ability to avoid "pain". That is how we humans basically function.... our goal is: "Avoid pain".... "Pursue pleasure". Really, this is what it mainly comes down to, how we try to live our lives.

Denial: "This can't be happening to ME".... "I'm not really facing this issue." There is a saying in Addiction Counseling that "Denial.... is not a river in Egypt". For the addict, this is the first hurdle. Overcoming denial. It often involves family intervention, or, hitting rock-bottom, where the evidence is so overwhelming that denial is no longer an option.

Anger: Seems that this is most of the time directed at "God". After all, isn't HE supposed to intervene and keep these things from happening?... It's a question that has come to the forefront every time there is a tragedy. (I don't have an answer for you... neither did JOB... (you can read his struggle in the Bible in the book of the same title).

Bargaining: This usually involves God also. "O.K. God, if you will get me out of this, then I will do something special for YOU!".... Let's cut a deal.

Depression: The realization that the loss isn't going to be recovered. The marriage isn't going to be fixed, the person isn't going to come back to life (for now), the "self-medication" of the addicted isn't going to be available anymore and now we have to face life on life's terms.

Acceptance: The place where we seek comfort. Accepting the loss but not letting the loss keep us from moving on in our life, keeping us from continuing to see our lives as a series of "turning points" where we can learn and grow from our experiences, whether we view them at this particular time as good or bad.

Grief counseling is a relatively new phenomenon. Just as in A.A. or N.A. or S.A. (for sexual addiction), there is comfort in being with those who can relate to your particular loss on a deeply emotional and spiritual level.
There is too much to cover about this subject in a simple blog. There is a lot of information on the internet and I encourage you to check it out if you are going through a time of loss in your life.
The most important thing in any loss is: Don't try and face it alone. Seek support from friends and family and, if necessary, outside counseling. You might think it's the end of the world,... but, it isn't. There's good help to be found and there are a lot of compassionate people available to walk you through the process.
I know this is a heavy issue. I wish none of us had to deal with it. Just remember, for now or for future reference,.... none of us have to deal with it alone... This should be one of our greatest comforts.

Living Vicariously

Vicarious: Experiencing something through another person by imagining rather than first-hand.

I remember when my two sons were young boys, playing baseball. My wife and I and the kids grandparents would go to their games to cheer them on.... win or lose.

I was always struck by the intensity of some of the other parents. They would get sooooooo upset when their kids struck out at bat or missed catching a fly ball, or simply didn't play well.

Back then I couldn't understand why they were so upset. Now, I think I know....



Some parents, (and I believe they are in the minority), seem to want to live out their dreams through their children. Haven't you ever seen a dad who was determined to see "his son" become the next Roger Clemens.... or Joe Montana? It doesn't even have to be sports. The guy (or gal) who had his/her dream of being the next "big thing" dashed to pieces by this tidal wave we call "real life". Now, with their dreams quickly fading into the sunset, their only grasp of hope is in the success of their offspring. It's a sad thing to observe.... for the kids... and, the parents.

I think that is one of the things that is so amazing about "Team Hoyt". (I hope you watched the video from last week)....

Rick, the son of Dick and Judy Hoyt, was diagnosed as a baby as a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy. They were encouraged to have him "institutionalized". Instead, they worked with him, taking him swimming and sledding and even taught him the alphabet and some basic words. Eventually, through the use of new technology, Rick was able to "communicate" to his parents. He told them he would like to participate in a 5-mile benefit run for a Lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Dick, his father, agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair. They finished all 5 miles.... coming in next to last. When the race was over, that night, Rick told his father, "Dad, when I'm running, it feels like I'm not handicapped".

So began an amazing journey for father and son. Since 1977 they have participated in over 1,000 races (no this is not a miss-print)...... over a THOUSAND races, ....including marathons, dual-athlons and tri-athlons. Dick and Rick biked and ran across the United States in 1992, completing a full 3,735 miles in 45 days.

Yes, Rick is living, in a real sense, "vicariously" through his father. The father has set aside "his" dreams so that his son can.... live. It's just the opposite of what we see played out so much of the time in this self-centered world... and that is... amazing...

I received some really good feedback from some folks that watched the video. Every person said it brought then to tears. It is truly one of the most inspiring stories I think we will get the opportunity to see.

The most striking observation came from a couple of my readers. They said it was The Gospel, that it was a metaphor for what Christ has done for us. He sacrificed Himself so that we, (the ones crippled with sin and guilt and shame), could have life. When we surrender to Him, He picks us up in all our broken-ness and carries us all the way through this race we call life.... carries us lovingly... all the way, through to the finish line,.....HOME...

Here is a link to see and read more of their story:



http://www.teamhoyt.com/about/index.html

Inspiration.... part two

Thanks to the myriad folks who wrote to comment on last weeks blog about inspiration
.... (O.K., maybe not "myriad"... but to the two or three who did..... thanks!....

One wrote: "Had to stop and think about what inspires me. Different things inspire me in different ways. For example, uplifting music inspires me to get up and get moving. Sad music inspires me to cry. Reading scripture inspires me to believe and to act on that belief. Most t.v. shows inspire me to be disgusted and to turn them off. Your blog inspires me to think about people and life."....

Another person challenged what I had said about the dictionary definition: "Inhaling, taking a breath, the act of breathing." I had said that I didn't understand that definition.
Here's his take on it....

When a person dies it is said that they "expire".... the opposite of "inspire", in that God "breathed" into the first man, Adam, the "breath of life". God "inspired" Adam to life through this divine act. Adam, "breathed-in" and became a living soul. When Adam "expired" he breathed "out" his last breath.... he died, at least in the physical sense. When all of us die, it is said that we "expire". We have an "expiration" date, sort of like a gallon of milk, except that you can still drink the milk "after" the expiration date (maybe)... When we "humans" expire.... well, no more milk....period. (Did I just explain this great or what?)...:-)

I think this is what is meant by the dictionary definition. I only wish the dictionary had gone into a more adequate explanation.... define itself, so to speak.

Anyway, thanks for the comments.

My last comment was interesting. The writer said that if I wanted "inspiration", that I should go to this website and watch this video.. So I did. It was a video I had seen before, several times actually, and every time I watched it, it brought me to tears. (I'm sort an emotional person anyway). I even cry at movies. My wife always looks at me funny and says something like, "Are you O.K.?" She usually never cries at movies... but you know, when Old Yeller dies at the end, you just gotta let it out. :-) Heck, I even cry watching the Food Network. I think I need help, actually. But that's for another blog....

I think this video is one of the most outstanding things I perhaps have ever seen. I would like for you to watch it, perhaps comment on it. How did it make you feel? And, .. WHY do you think it made you feel the way it did? I would love to hear you comments on it and I will try to put them on the next blog. I feel the video deserves a blog all to itself... so, next week I am going to write about it at some length. So... go, .. watch... cry, ... don't cry... be inspired,... don't be inspired,... whatever. And, I will see you "myriad" folks back here next week.

click on this line or cut and paste this into your browser:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJMbk9dtpdY


P.S. for you "younger" readers, Old Yeller was a dog. (And you thought it was just some old guy who stood on his front porch and yelled at people as they walked by)......

Inspiration....?

It was a busy weekend. I ended up playing two concerts, two church services and an afternoon at a high-rise full of "seasoned" citizens. So, I sat down late Sunday night and stared at the computer screen.... and continued to stare at the computer screen. Finally, I told myself, "I got nothing here." No "inspiration" to write a blog. My mind was a blank slate and my "muse" had either gone into hiding or had taken a long leap off a short pier....(Does that even make sense?)...

So,.. I turned off the computer and went to bed. Live to fight/write another day.... I guess.
I've been thinking about "inspiration". What does that mean, anyway?

The dictionary definition is:
1. Arousal of the mind to unusual activity or creativity.
2. A product of creative thinking or work
3. A sudden "intuition"... as in solving a problem
4. Divine guidance, the special influence of Divinity on the human mind.
5. Arousing to a particular emotion or action
6. Inhalation, the act of breathing in of air

O.K. I think I get most of these definitions.... except perhaps for number 6,... the whole "inhalation" and "breathing in of air"....(yes, that's actually in the dictionary).

Yes, today I suddenly feel "inspired" to take a breath! In fact, I make splurge and take several "breathes"..... Or, I may be "inspired" to simply NOT breathe. I think that's called....dying?

Anyway.... I digress...

As a songwriter I do get inspired to write new songs. I write mostly from "inspiration" rather than from "perspiration", which simply means that instead of writing 60 songs a year, I might write...maybe... "6".....
But, I can't explain the phenomenon.

"Why" do I care to even write one song? Or why is an artist inspired to paint a painting or a photographer inspired to take that special picture.... or a builder inspired to erect that particular structure?
What inspired God to create an entire universe and fill it with objects of his imagination and His likeness?....

This summer I got "inspired" for the first time to actually care about my lawn. I was doing my usual mowing and suddenly, for the first time, noticed that I was mostly mowing down "weeds" instead of "grass". An epiphany!.... (yes, I am a s..l..o..w.. learner).
So, this season I have been spreading weed-killer on my lawn and purchased grass seed and spread it around and now.... I'm buying "winterizer".... for the first time. I didn't even know there was such a thing as "winterizer"...for lawns.... (good grief, where have I been all these years?)

Sometimes inspiration just comes out of the blue... and it's a surprise (like the lawn thing)....
But, I think, most of the time though, I'm mostly inspired by other people. I see someone doing something extraordinary, and, ...perhaps I'm just a tad jealous,... but I want to do something "extra-ordinary" myself.
My friend, Dennis, rode in a weekend bike marathon to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis treatment and research. I think that's one of the most admirable things I've seen from one of my friends in quite some time. Cudos to you, D! (And, by the way... WHY did you do it? What "inspired" you?....

Which... leads me to ask this question of all my readers.....(However many of you there are... God only knows...)... "What inspires YOU?"....
I would like to hear from you... get some feedback.. sort of open it up for discussion.

What inspires you to do what you do?.... Ride in a marathon. Take a picture. Write a song. Involve yourself in a particular activity. What makes YOU tick?

Write me and let me know. I will share it with the folks ....and keep you anonymous (if you prefer).
At least it will give me some fodder for a future "blog"..... Until my "muse" returns from wherever the heck it went.

Why do I keep writing these blog things anyway?...
(If you read my very first one, then you'll know).....

Anyway, have a great week. Hope it's an "inspirational" one....

Contentment

Contentment: defined as.... "The state of being content. Satisfied. Ease of mind".

Boy, that sure tells me a lot. Glad I looked THAT up!.....:-)

I happened to catch part of a program on the telly (that's British for "television")... over the weekend. It was about a bazillionaire who lived most of his life on a specially-made yacht. It was like a floating city. His wife was being interviewed and she took the camera crew on tour of the whole place. Her and her husband's living quarters were over 3500 square feet. (It was their "personal space" on the yacht. They could entertain myriad guests who had their own bed/bathrooms, kitchens, living rooms, whatever....
The filming crew went up on top of the ship and had a brief interview with the husband. He was showing them how he had built his own "golf course" on the yacht. It was a part of the deck that would come up mechanically from somewhere below. It was a putting green. He could stand out there on the "green" and hit golf balls out into the ocean. They had hired-hands who had little speed boats that would go out and place markers in the water so he could see how far he had hit the ball. They (the "servants", would place the markers out in the ocean and cheer him on when he hit the ball close to the markers. If he played a golf game with someone, whoever hit closest to the markers would win each "hole". He looked into the camera and said, "Whenever I have a guest on-board and we play "golf", I always win.... because (they) know who writes the checks!"
That statement reminded me of an episode of The Twilight Zone where this guy on the show dies. He loves to play pool and he ends up in an amazing pool-room, playing the game he lived for. He thought he had died and gone to heaven. The problem was....he never lost a game.... never. No matter how poorly he played. He finally exclaimed, "If this is how it's going to be for eternity I wish I "hadn't died and gone to heaven!".... The other guys in the room just looked at him and said, "What makes you think this is Heaven?.....

King Solomon was the richest man who ever lived. He wrote a book which is included in the Bible. It is the book of Ecclesiastes. Solomon writes: "I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet, when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 2:10)....

Often it is easy to watch a show like the one I watched over the weekend and be envious of someone who has so much..... who "apparently" has so much. Is this guy really happy with all his wealth, all his opulence... his mornings of fresh-squeezed orange juice and Eggs Benedict delivered to his quarters by servants every morning?...
Maybe so. I don't know. It's too easy for me to judge him and his wife and their imported granite table-tops and polished mahogany interiors.
Is this happiness? Is this the picture of contentment? Is this what we should all be striving for?..... more and better "stuff"?....
Solomon himself came to this conclusion later on in his life. "So I hated life,... I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool?".... (Ecc. 2:17)
I compare this to what the Apostle Paul wrote about his own life when he was writing to the his friends in the city of Philipi. "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."... ) Phillippians 4:11.

Contentment is a state of mind. For the addict, contentment is (or should be), waking up every morning in peace, being able to "not" spend his/her day chasing the "high" of addiction. To live a life of internal peace. That is the purpose of the 12-Step Program. To ultimately bring us to a place of finding peace with our Higher Power, our Creator,... the One who knows exactly what we need in life, for He is the One who created us, who knows our very thoughts, our very longings. For the rich man, like Solomon, his "addiction" is chasing after the seemingly perfect life of "things", more things, finer things, and "accomplishments", ....climbing the "ladder of succes". It seems all well and fine, except when a person actually gets to the top of the ladder, all that's found there is "empty space".... a standing in mid-air with nowhere else to go...but back down.

All of us, at some point, need to evaluate our own lives. What are we seeking? What are we "after"? What do we need to make us "content"?
Personally I think it's all about trying to fill a "God-Shaped" hole in our souls that we are born with. That's the conclusion the Apostle Paul came to, and he had found that contentment. Though he wasn't a rich man materially, Paul had something in his life that money couldn't buy, ... a personal relationship with God, Who abundantly supplied every need.
Is this the secret of real life? No one else can answer that question for you, but it might be a wise thing to actually take time-out to ask the question.
Like the man on The Twilight Zone episode, perhaps the real definition of "hell" is actually getting everything we (think) we want......?

In My Humble Opinion

IMHO.... the new abbreviation for: In My Humble Opinion....

Once in awhile my friend, Dennis ,plays guitar with me when I do a concert. He's a great guitar player and a great person to banter with onstage. One night when we were playing a gig together the subject of humility was somehow inserted into the conversation,.. so we just sort of went with the flow...and it went something like this...

D: It's hard to be humble when you're as good as I am.
Me: I'm just as good as you are, it's just that I am too humble to speak of it.
D: I'm the most humble person I know
Me: I'm sure you're not as humble as I am because I never talk about how humble I really am.
D: I've done so many things I could talk about, but I won't, because I'm too humble to tell you about them.
Me: I think I was "born" humble.... I've never had a problem with NOT being humble.
D: Perhaps you're right, ...maybe you are the second most humble person on the planet.
Me: The "second" most humble?
D: Yea, well we all know who the "most" humble person is.. but I can't talk about it,... it wouldn't be proper..
Me: It's a great gift, this "humility" thing we possess...

And so we went,...yada, yada, yada....
And I thought it was a brilliant strategy, using "irony" to make a point about humility.
The only problem was that everyone in the audience just stared at us. I think they took us seriously and just thought we were idiots. So much for irony....

Being humble is one of those slippery propositions... As soon as you think you have it, it disappears like a ghost into thin air.
I don't think a lot of folks even think about it, really. Our world is prone to promote self-promotion and success and achievement over "humility". It's something that's always been greatly lacking in the human condition.
I recently read an article that made several statements as to whether a person was truly humble or not. Here are a few of the more salient points...

1. Am I unwilling to listen to advice, instruction, correction, information or suggestions?
2. Am I reluctant to submit to any authority or someone else's set of rules?
3. Do I argue and quarrel to try and prove that I am always right?
4. Do I dominate conversations, saying my opinion about every subject on every occasion?
5. Do I respond to others often with mockery but am unable to laugh at myself?
6. Am I eager to promote myself and my accomplishments?
7. Do I enjoy the admiration of others, secretly reveling in it?
8. Do I get agitated at the small indignities of life, such as: standing in line, waiting my turn, driving and older, used car, or performing menial (to me) tasks?
9. Am I over-concerned with outward appearances?
10. Am I reluctant to associate with people who I deem undesirable; People who I don't feel will advance my status or enhance my image?

I'm sure all of us can squeeze ourselves into any of the above at some given point in life....

What's the answer?..... If we care to pursue one....

"When someone invites you to a wedding feast, do not take the place of honor, for a person more distinguished than you may have been invited. If so, the host who invited both of you will come and say to you, "Give this man your seat." Then, humiliated, you will have to take the least important place. But when you are invited, take the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he will say to you, "Friend, move up to a better place." Then you will be honored in the presence of all your fellow guests. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.

This is one of the stories that Jesus told His followers in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 14.
I think it's good advice. It doesn't have to be a wedding feast. It can be anywhere....a parking lot, a movie theatre, a supermarket, the workplace. The most important place is in the heart.
First Peter 5:5 states: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."
I know I need a lot of grace in my life and, if I were a betting man, I would bet, deep down, that you feel the same way.

Anyway, this is my blog of the week. I think it's the greatest blog I've ever written. As a matter of fact I think it may be the best thing anyone, anywhere has ever written! It should be etched in stone and made a monument of! It's brilliant! Incredibly insightful! Superb literary prose!........IMHO......

All You Need Is Love

One of my favorite Saturday Night Live skits was Eddie Murphy's "Buckwheat" character advertising an entire record album of classic songs. For those of you in the younger set, "Buckwheat" was the little Black (Politically correct: African American) boy (can I even use the word "boy"?)..... the little Black, African-American "child" who didn't speak very well in the old "Our Gang" television series. (This was when t.v. was in black and white....and the broadcast day ended at midnight... with the playing of the National Anthem)....

Anyway,... I particularly liked his version of Tina Turner's hit: What's Love Got To Do With It.... except Eddie sang it as, "What's Nub Got To Do Wit It"..... as well as his revisit of the Country Music classic, "Lookin' Pa Nub In All The Wrong Places"......

So,... now you all know my warped sense of humor...



Love.....

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
There's nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy...
All You need is love...

The Beatles sang, "All You Need Is Love" ... one of my favorite Fab 4 songs...
(Although a bit obtuse unless you happen to still be using LSD on a regular basis)...

Steven Stills sang, "Love The One You're With".... (that could turn out to be an interesting venture, depending on who you're with and what you're doing at any given moment)....


C.S. Lewis ventured into the literary definitions of love and came up with four types...


Familial: the love of family.... son, daughter, mother, father, sister and brothers


Phileo: "Brotherly love" in the sense of the human family, how the city of "Philadelphia" got it's name: The City Of Brotherly Love (I wonder just how true that is today?)....


Eros: Sexual love. The root of "erotic". The one love that this world seems most likely to distort and twist away from it's original intent. Hence, the lure and spread of pornographic images...


Agape: This is the love that is attributed to God.... Agape Love...a love that transcends emotions, love for love's sake....(God IS love)....First John 4:8



This is the ultimate biblical definition of love: "This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." (First John 4, verse 10)...


The Apostle Paul made a special point of love in his letter to the first century Corinthian Church. There are a few vitally important things to consider in this life to be able to live a life of purpose and meaning. Faith, Hope and Love are the spiritual lifeblood that flows through the human heart. Faith is an extension into the unseen, whereby we may develop a trust in a Higher Power Whom we cannot see. This in turn, leads us to be able to "hope" for better things than this world has to offer, a better "future" than the tangible is able to give to us. And love.. love is the glue that holds everything together. As fallible (read,... sinful) human beings, we fall so incredibly short of the type of love we had at the beginning of creation, the full measure of "Agape" love that Adam and Eve shared with their Creator as they walked with Him "in the cool of the day". (Genesis 3:8)...

In First Corinthians, Chapter 13, the Lord's Apostle gives us the clearest picture of what true love really looks like.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It doesn't envy, it doesn't boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophesies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought as a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

What's Love Got To Do With It?...... asks Tina Turner....

Answer:...... Everything

Friendship

When You're down, and you're troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, no nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you gotta do is call and I'll be there yes I will...
You've got a friend



Songwriter: Carol King, Artist: James Taylor



Friendship....

I wrote a blog early this year about my friend, Stan. I hadn't seen him in several years, but when we got together it was just like we had never been separated. We just sort of "took up where we left off".... good fellowship.... a good friend...



When my wife and I were first married we befriended another young, married couple. All of us were struggling financially. I had a pud job that didn't pay much. My wife worked as a visiting nurse so she made fairly decent money and that's pretty much how stayed afloat in those lean years.

This couple we had befriended didn't have any children. We had one and one on the way. For some reason this couple had more of a struggle financially than we did and they never seemed to have two dimes to rub together. (Which is an interesting statement, since what has rubbing dimes together ever had anything to do with ....anything)...?...

Anyway, my wife and I would do what we could to help them out. A dollar or two here and there for gas, perhaps give them some groceries,... whatever we could afford to do. It was a hardship but we didn't mind doing it since they were our "friends", after all....

One night we were all sitting around in our living room, drinking coffee, just chatting about life, when the conversation turned to money woes again. Suddenly the wife turns to her husband and says, "You know, sweetie, if things don't turn around for us we might have to start dipping into our savings."..... Our... SAVINGS?....

I couldn't believe my ears!.... They had... "SAVINGS"!!!... And, here WE were, sacrificing to "Help" them?.... Unbelievable...

Well, to make a long story short, that was the end of our "friendship". We never invited them over or responded again to any of their invitations. We severed that relationship that night.

Looking back, I should have had more of a backbone and really let them have it.... verbally, anyway....but I didn't and that was the end of it.

The reason I am saying all this is simply to say that friendships are extremely important relationships. A good friendship is hard to find, hard to cultivate, and is a real treasure if you can find it and keep it.

There's a scripture in the bible that says, "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".
I truly believe it, for I have experienced it.

If you've got a friend (or "friends")... please don't take that special gift for granted. If you want a friend, then BE a friend, and don't take advantage of the relationship. Send them a note once in awhile (or just say it), and let them know you appreciate them. Be there for them when they are going through a hard time. Rejoice with them when they prosper.

And, if you have money in a savings account,.. don't be asking them for a handout. Friends treat each other with integrity.

Should the sky above you
Turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Just keep your head together and call my name out loud
Soon I'm be knocking upon your door...

You've got a friend...

Poor, Poor Pitiful Me

Well, I lay my head on the railroad track
Waiting on the Double E
But the train don't run by here no more
Poor, poor pitiful me.....



song by Warren Zevon ....copyright 1973... (Made famous by the lovely Miss Linda Ronstadt....)



Have you ever thrown yourself a good, old-fashioned Pity Party?...

I do it...all too frequently...



Life ain't fair..... Things never work out for me.... I hate my job..... My back hurts.... I hate wearing glasses.... My cats give me allergies.... I never catch a break....My co-workers are a bunch of jerks...... I need a vacation.....Wah, Wah, Wah.....

Life sucks...



Sometimes I just need to read some "encouraging thoughts".... you know, some trite, meaningless, prosaic statements that will supposedly make me "feel better".... (you know the kind)...



examples:

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it we can never do anything wise in this world"



"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in this world"



"All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming"



"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble"



"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do something that I can do"...



"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit"



"Instead of comparing our lot with that of those who are more fortunate than we are, we should compare it with the lot of the great majority of our fellow men. It then appears that we are among the privileged"



BLAHDY...BLAHDY...BLAHDY...BLAH...BLAH......... (give me a break)....right?...



Anyway, if you're into this type of meaningless blather then you can read more quotes and wisdom penned by this particular writer by visiting the following website:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Keller



Helen Keller..1880-1968

Deaf and blind from the age of 19 months. Entered Radcliffe College in 1900, graduated with a Bachelor Of Arts Degree Cum Laude in 1904...

Contributor to many newspaper and magazine articles, wrote numerous essays on blindness, deafness, socialism, social issues and women's rights....

Traveled the world.... published 12 books....Honorary degrees from: Temple University, Harvard, University of Glasgow, Scotland,... Berlin, Germany, Dehli, India and Johannesburg, South Africa........ yada, yada, yada,......



"Life is either a great adventure or it is nothing"......H.K.



Anyway, this is my stupid blog for this week. Sorry I couldn't come up with something better.... I just can't seem to catch a break!...... Wah.....



Well, I lay my head on the railroad track
Waiting on the Double E
But the train don't run by here no more
Poor, poor pitiful me
Poor, poor pitiful me......

How Hillbillies Saved My Life

I've been reading a book by Phil ("How's that working for you?") McGraw. He says that in everyone's life there are at least 5 people who have had major influence in their life. The influence could be either negative or positive, but it is a definite factor in the person you have become... the "nurture" part of nurture vs. nature in shaping the human psyche. I gave this some serious thought.... who had influenced ME over the years of my life?

One who stood out was an aunt, my dad's sister. Her name was Macy. She was the quintessential "hillbilly".... born and raised in the back hills of the Missouri Ozarks. She is the only woman I ever knew who chewed tobacco.... "Redman" "Tobacco to be exact. I tried it once or twice... it made me sick.... nasty-tasting stuff...She practically lived to hunt and fish. She also toted a rifle everywhere she went.

I was just a young boy, raised in the big city. This backwoods way of life was a totally different experience for me, and every summer, starting at about the age of 10, I would spend summers with her and her husband, "Sol". (It doesn't get any more "country" than this.... Macy and Sol)..... and, of course, their numerous dogs, cats, chickens, goats,....assorted menagerie of odd-ball animals.

There is a reason I mention her specifically as one of my own "top five." In my "city" life, and specifically during the school year, I wasn't very "athletic"....not very....not hardly....maybe not at all. I always got picked last for those recess football, baseball or dodge-ball games. That was back when kids could actually interact on the playground and even get "hurt" sometimes without the ACLU swooping in and filing a lawsuit to close the school down. The good old days.

I usually felt sort of "left out" from a lot of activities.... probably because I "was" left out of a lot of activities....

But..... every summer, when I would visit my aunt and uncle in the back-hills of Missouri, I was very much "accepted." My aunt would pull out this beautiful (in my eyes) 22 "over and under" rifle, (part 22 caliber bullet and part shotgun), give me a brief education on how to hande it and shoot it and then she would look at me and say, "let's go hunting!"..... music to my ears....

Her grandson, who was about my age, would come down there every summer also, so I had another kid to play with and get into trouble with. ("Trouble" meaning, like..chasing skunks or tormenting a bull)... you should never try it,... it will end up badly).

Every summer for several years we would follow her down the trails and through the backwoods of the rugged Ozark terrain. (For some reason, "Sol" was more into driving us to a trail head and simply staying in the old pickup,... sleeping).... weird....

We would hunt and fish and pick wild blueberries and blackberries, swim in the local "crick" and rivers. I felt like Huckleberry Finn.... I "lived" like Huckeberry Finn... for about 8 weeks every year... and I loved it. I couldn't wait to get up every morning and start a new adventure...

The reason I pick "Macy" as one of my top 5 most influential people is because, at that young age, .... she gave me a glimpse into a better life, ... a life where I was trusted (remember the rifle?), and "accepted" ....unconditionally. She never told me, "you can't do this"... she just led
the charge and expected me to follow. Actually, looking back, she gave me a lot of the type of "nurture" that one should expect from a father figure, even though she was a woman. My dad, her brother, was an alcoholic and really never had a lot of time to give me... at least, not without the accompaniment of a few of his close friends,... Jack Daniels and "Bud" Weiser....were two I got to know well....

Looking back, the memories I have of those summers spent in the Ozarks, with the "Hillbillies", always come flooding back with fondness and gratitude.... and, I believe the underlying reason is because, as a kid, I always felt more "at home" with those folks who accepted me for who I was and treated me like family (because I was), and especially, because I found in them something that every heart years for.... unconditional love.

No matter where it comes from, or the shape it comes in, unconditional love is, I believe, a requisite for forming a stable personality. Most of us spend out entire lives searching for it, grasping for it, only to find it slipping through our fingers like a ghost. Human love has its limitations and I have found that no one can meet the necessary requirements perfectly, no matter how hard they try or how much they care. Even my aunt, with all her good intentions, was still a flawed figure in a lot of ways, but she was able to give me, as I said before, a glimpse into something that would eventually, as an adult, find it's fruition in my relationship with my "Heavenly Father", the One Who is, I have discovered, the Author of "Unconditional Love"....

I believe it was "He", all along, actually leading me though those rugged Ozark hills and valleys, and now, today, by His help and grace, I still find myself treading life's perilous hills and valleys, being led... by grace,....unconditionally,....all the way.... home....

Amazing Grace

I'm sitting here, at my keyboard, wanting to write a blog on "Grace". I feel like an ant attempting to write a thesis on The Grand Canyon. The word rolls easy off the tongue but feels like a barbed hook when I try to swallow it. Grace. It is what is at the very heart of the Prodigal's Story. We love the way the story ends but, at the same time it is such a hard pill to swallow when we see it happening to someone who doesn't deserve it. Someone like the Prodigal Son, who throws his inheritance away with drinking and drugs and gambling and prostitution.... and God only knows what else.....

John Newton was a ship's captain in the 1700's. He lived for the slave trade. He was responsible for thousands of men, women and children to be bought on the auction block like so much chattel.

I think it takes a heartless man to treat another human being like a commodity,... but, back then slaves weren't "human beings"... they were just commerce.

One night, during a storm that threatened to sink the ship, John Newton cried out to God for mercy. Amazingly enough, God heard his pitiful plea and spared his life. John Newton. The slave trader. God not only heard him, God intervened in a powerful way and changed John Newton's heart.... made him a different person. That is so.... unfair. Maybe that's why there is the saying that "God works in mysterious ways".... If "I" were God I sure wouldn't have done it. I would have thrown him overboard and saved the ship... but not him.

John Newton eventually left his sailing life and became a preacher. He shared what he had found with others. He shared this "grace" he had discovered.

Another fellow by the name of William Wilberforce heard John Newton preach and he, too became a disciple of Grace. So much so that William Wilberforce started the movement to abolish slavery. Interesting how that works....

John Newton found an interest in hymn-writing and started writing music for The Church. Among the many hymns he wrote, one in particular has always stood out. The song is called, "Amazing Grace". I'm sure you've heard it,... even sung it at one time or other. There must have been something amazingly memorable in being the captain of a slave ship, in the middle of the night, in the middle of a storm.... and having your entire world turned upside-down by the simple cry of "God have mercy on me!"......

I know it works. It happened to me... many years ago. I had my world turned upside-down by Grace. Actually, to be correct, I would have to say that I had my world turned "right-side up" by Grace. Perhaps it is something that has to be experienced rather than explained. Like I wrote in a previous blog, it is like trying to describe what the color "blue" tastes like....

All I know is that, when I hear or sing this song, I can definitely relate. It's the best thing I've heard that comes the closest to describing "grace"..... It is.... Amazing....



Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost but now I'm found

Was blind, but now I see



'Twas Grace that taught my heart to fear

And Grace, my fears relieved

How precious did that Grace appear

The hour I first believed



Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come

'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far

And Grace will lead me home



When we've been there ten-thousand years

Bright, shining as the sun

There's no less days to sing His praise

Than when we've first begun