I had a senior pastor of a church I attended about 25 years ago (not the pastor or church I'm in now).... tell this story one Sunday morning from the pulpit. It raised a more than a few eyebrows...
"A well-dressed man meets a woman in a bar and makes her this proposal.... Would you sleep with me if I gave you one million dollars?".... The woman is stunned (momentarily) by the question, and then she thinks it over for a minute and says, "Yes, I guess I would... for a million dollars."
The man then says, "What about for ten dollars?".... The woman looks at him appallingly and says, "Just what kind of woman do you think I am?".... The man retorts: "We've already determined that.... now we're just haggling on the price.".....
The pastor was giving a message that Sunday morning on "Character".... Do we have it?... and, what would it take to cross that line?
Donald Miller, in his book, "To Own A Dragon", recounts a scene from the movie, "The Family Man", starring Nicholas Cage. Nicholas' character is standing behind a woman who is paying for an item at a convenience store. The store owner, played by Don Cheadle, is given a dollar bill by the woman but proceeds to give her back change as if she had handed him a ten-dollar bill. He counts it out to her, giving her back nine dollars in "change". The woman hesitates, just for a split-second, put the money in her purse and walks out the door. The store owner then looks at Nicholas Cage and says, "Did you see that? That woman just sold her character for nine dollars." He knew all along and was simply testing her to see what she would do.
It's tempting..... To sell our character. Maybe we wouldn't do it for nine dollars.... or ninety dollars... or nine hundred dollars... but, what if I were to find a bag full of money along the side of the road?.... Thousands of dollars... just for the taking.
We read, once in awhile, about a person who discovers a large sum of cash. Perhaps it fell out of a Wells Fargo truck and ended up along the side of the road. We read about that person returning the money, not keeping it. And the newspapers and t.v. reporters are always right there asking the question... "Why?".... "Why didn't you just keep the money?".... And usually the person says something like, "Because it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. It wasn't mine to keep."
I love it when I hear stories like that... and I know you do too. I keep telling myself, "Yep, that's what I would do,... return the money!" (I hope I'm not lying to myself)...
But... then again,... there are other ways of selling our character that has nothing to do with monetary gain. Slacking off on the job....robbing our employer of his/her money that they are paying us to work.... Doing something that I know is a bad example to my kids or my wife but doing it anyway... just because "I want to"..... Refusing to apologize when I've really offended someone. Not repaying a debt.... the list could go on and on and on.
One thing I love about A.A. and programs like it is that they insist, not only on dealing with addiction, but they also insist on character-building. They take you through the 12-Step program (there are others, like Celebrate Recovery), and, with each step there is a process that one goes through that in "some way relates to character-building. It's a great thing. A humbling thing, .. but a great thing nonetheless. (Being in Recovery is more than just "not drinking/drugging").... it's a lifestyle change...
I pray, with God's help, to try and maintain good character traits throughout my life. It will definitely take God's help because I know I can be suckered-in really quick to doing stupid things. I have a history.....
Anyway, I think it's important to be careful, to treat ourselves with respect and hold fast to our integrity... and when we screw-up somewhere (we will), to have the courage (and humility) to try to put things right again. Whether it's nine dollars, ninety dollars, or nine million dollars, .. it's still character prostitution.....Just ask my old pastor....
Showing posts with label 12-steps. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 12-steps. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Paying Attention
So... this old gentleman is driving down the highway when suddenly he sees flashing red lights behind him. He pulls his car over to the side of the road and the police officer gets out of his patrol car and walks up to the driver's door. The old guy rolls down his window, the officer sticks his head in and says, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of your car a few miles back!?"....
The old man draws a sigh of relief and answers, "Thank the Lord!.... I thought I had gone deaf!"...
Listening..... It seems most of the time our lives are simply filled with "noise".... and we are so easily distracted by it.
My wife said something to me the other day while I was watching a very interesting and totally absorbing television commercial which had talking breakfast cereal. Very stimulating stuff.
After about 3 minutes had gone by I looked at her and said, .... "Did you say something?"...
She gave me a disgusted look and said, "No, I guess I didn't"......
I'm sure this has never happened to you. I felt sort of bad about it for a few seconds and then another commercial came on and it had singing underwear. Being a musician myself, it had my immediate attention.
Listening... paying attention. Sometimes I think it's an art in itself. When I was getting my degree in counseling we had a class in "active listening". We had to pick a partner and have them tell us a story and we had to really listen to them and show them that we were actually listening.
When it was my turn I made up some incredibly crazy story to tell and had my partner rolling on the floor. Yes, I took it all very seriously....
The simple fact is: people are, at heart, conversational and interactive. It's just that we live in a society where there is so much distraction.... television, movies, music, I-pods, texting, cell phones, those Blueberry thingys.... We have come to the conclusion that conversation is no longer a necessity, or at least that it falls far below the necessities for a quality of life. "Hey, how's it goin?", "How ya doin?"... "What's goin' on?"..... Rhetorical questions that don't demand (or want) an answer.
I think it's very telling that a person will actually "pay" someone to simply listen to them. Psychiatrists and psychologists make a pretty decent living just "listening" to people talk about their lives, their hopes and dreams...and problems. If you pay someone to listen to you then you can be pretty sure that they will... hopefully.
It has been said, and I truly believe it, that more than 50% of counseling is simply "listening".
Someone who listens, .. I mean, "really" listens, hears not only what is being said, but they hear what is "not" being said also. They learn to, as it is often quoted, "read between the lines" to find out what the other person is really trying to say,.. or trying to avoid saying, or is totally unaware of what they are really saying.
Listening. Paying attention. It's something we have to cultivate in our lives, to make a concerted effort to train ourselves to do. It's a part of life that we are missing out on every day due to the electronic, fast-paced culture we live in.
Give it a try today. If someone strikes up a conversation, show them you're interested in what they have to say. Maybe even ask them to elaborate on something that you don't quite understand. Try to be "engaged" in the exchange.
Anyway, that's my two-cents for the day. Gotta run. There's this crazy new commercial on t.v. with a giant puppet woman loading a moving van.....
The old man draws a sigh of relief and answers, "Thank the Lord!.... I thought I had gone deaf!"...
Listening..... It seems most of the time our lives are simply filled with "noise".... and we are so easily distracted by it.
My wife said something to me the other day while I was watching a very interesting and totally absorbing television commercial which had talking breakfast cereal. Very stimulating stuff.
After about 3 minutes had gone by I looked at her and said, .... "Did you say something?"...
She gave me a disgusted look and said, "No, I guess I didn't"......
I'm sure this has never happened to you. I felt sort of bad about it for a few seconds and then another commercial came on and it had singing underwear. Being a musician myself, it had my immediate attention.
Listening... paying attention. Sometimes I think it's an art in itself. When I was getting my degree in counseling we had a class in "active listening". We had to pick a partner and have them tell us a story and we had to really listen to them and show them that we were actually listening.
When it was my turn I made up some incredibly crazy story to tell and had my partner rolling on the floor. Yes, I took it all very seriously....
The simple fact is: people are, at heart, conversational and interactive. It's just that we live in a society where there is so much distraction.... television, movies, music, I-pods, texting, cell phones, those Blueberry thingys.... We have come to the conclusion that conversation is no longer a necessity, or at least that it falls far below the necessities for a quality of life. "Hey, how's it goin?", "How ya doin?"... "What's goin' on?"..... Rhetorical questions that don't demand (or want) an answer.
I think it's very telling that a person will actually "pay" someone to simply listen to them. Psychiatrists and psychologists make a pretty decent living just "listening" to people talk about their lives, their hopes and dreams...and problems. If you pay someone to listen to you then you can be pretty sure that they will... hopefully.
It has been said, and I truly believe it, that more than 50% of counseling is simply "listening".
Someone who listens, .. I mean, "really" listens, hears not only what is being said, but they hear what is "not" being said also. They learn to, as it is often quoted, "read between the lines" to find out what the other person is really trying to say,.. or trying to avoid saying, or is totally unaware of what they are really saying.
Listening. Paying attention. It's something we have to cultivate in our lives, to make a concerted effort to train ourselves to do. It's a part of life that we are missing out on every day due to the electronic, fast-paced culture we live in.
Give it a try today. If someone strikes up a conversation, show them you're interested in what they have to say. Maybe even ask them to elaborate on something that you don't quite understand. Try to be "engaged" in the exchange.
Anyway, that's my two-cents for the day. Gotta run. There's this crazy new commercial on t.v. with a giant puppet woman loading a moving van.....
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My Life In A Convent
Yes, it's true. I use to live in a Catholic Convent...
A few years ago we bought a house and were in the process of selling the house we were in and moving to our new home. Unfortunately, the timing was off and we sold the house we were in and had to move out before we could get into the house we had just bought. Quite a quandary.
The Lutheran Church I grew-up in had just purchased this old Convent and was in the process of remodeling it for a new ministry. We inquired about perhaps moving in there for a few weeks until we could get into our new home ...and they agreed. They figured it was good to have someone there to look after the place until they could get their remodeling crew all lined-up. So they gave us the keys and we moved right in...
It was a huge place. It almost felt haunted because it was so big and old and quiet and it had so many rooms. Our cat went into a hole in the wall and we didn't see her for 3 days. When she finally emerged she was totally covered in dirt and cobwebs.... weird...
We slept upstairs and every morning I would say to my wife, "Did you hear that weird organ music in the middle of the night?"... It would always freak her out.
My two boys were pretty young, 8 and 10 years, I believe. It was cold that time of year so we couldn't do much outside. There was a fairly large room with built-in chairs on each side. I might have been The Chapel... probably was. Anyway, my kids and I invented this game that we played in the chapel. We called it "Peakball". I don't know how it got it's name. You know how a child's mind has such a goofy imagination. Maybe even one of my kids named it... can't say for sure.Peakball was just an old sock taped-up with masking tape. We played it like a soccer game, where one person had to kick the "ball" and hit the opposite wall (being guarded by another player) to score a point. It was great fun... I thought it might be sort of "sacrilegious", being in the old Chapel and all. I thought I heard God's voice one day while we were playing.... "He shoots!... He Scores!"...
After that I thought it was cool with Him.
I got up to shave one morning, went into the bathroom, and found that the mirror had been painted over....strange. So, I went into another bathroom (I think there were about 7 bathrooms in this place)...and THAT bathroom mirror had been painted over also!... It was the same with ALL the bathrooms... mirrors painted over... I must have gone out to my car to shave in the rear view mirror. I asked someone about this phenomenon and they told me that the "Sisters" who lived there painted over all the mirrors. They didn't want to look at themselves. They though it would be make them "prideful". They wanted to stay humble. They even had a little round tube thingy that, if they got a meal or message or anything from the outside world, whatever was delivered was stuck into this slot and they would spin it around into the next room to be received... so they never actually let anyone "see" them....or them see anyone else!..
You know, ... it's a weird thing about pride. The Bible tells us that it's embedded into the human heart. There's "good" pride,.. like when your kid hits a home-run in little league and you're proud of him (or her),.. and then there's this "bad" pride where you think you're pretty hot stuff, God's gift to women, or men, or humanity... kind of feeling.
Some people look in a mirror and are prideful, while others can look into that very same mirror and see nothing but shame. I use to be one of those people.... the ones who see shame.. and blame... and guilt...when they look into a mirror.
That was before I realized that I had been forgiven by God for all the crappy stuff I had done. He had forgiven me simply because I asked Him to. The hard part for me wasn't "Has God forgiven me?".... but, "Have I forgiven myself?"..... I think we're a lot harder on ourselves than God even thinks of being. Nowadays I can look into the mirror just fine. My life has been truly blessed. I can say to the man in the mirror, "You're a jerk. You don't deserve any of this!".... and the man looking back at me always says, "No, you use to be a jerk, and too frequently you still do jerky stuff, but, you're not the man you once were. And, yes, it is true that you DON'T deserve any of this good stuff!... it's all grace. Just don't forget, ....It's ALL grace...
So... live with it..."
A few years ago we bought a house and were in the process of selling the house we were in and moving to our new home. Unfortunately, the timing was off and we sold the house we were in and had to move out before we could get into the house we had just bought. Quite a quandary.
The Lutheran Church I grew-up in had just purchased this old Convent and was in the process of remodeling it for a new ministry. We inquired about perhaps moving in there for a few weeks until we could get into our new home ...and they agreed. They figured it was good to have someone there to look after the place until they could get their remodeling crew all lined-up. So they gave us the keys and we moved right in...
It was a huge place. It almost felt haunted because it was so big and old and quiet and it had so many rooms. Our cat went into a hole in the wall and we didn't see her for 3 days. When she finally emerged she was totally covered in dirt and cobwebs.... weird...
We slept upstairs and every morning I would say to my wife, "Did you hear that weird organ music in the middle of the night?"... It would always freak her out.
My two boys were pretty young, 8 and 10 years, I believe. It was cold that time of year so we couldn't do much outside. There was a fairly large room with built-in chairs on each side. I might have been The Chapel... probably was. Anyway, my kids and I invented this game that we played in the chapel. We called it "Peakball". I don't know how it got it's name. You know how a child's mind has such a goofy imagination. Maybe even one of my kids named it... can't say for sure.Peakball was just an old sock taped-up with masking tape. We played it like a soccer game, where one person had to kick the "ball" and hit the opposite wall (being guarded by another player) to score a point. It was great fun... I thought it might be sort of "sacrilegious", being in the old Chapel and all. I thought I heard God's voice one day while we were playing.... "He shoots!... He Scores!"...
After that I thought it was cool with Him.
I got up to shave one morning, went into the bathroom, and found that the mirror had been painted over....strange. So, I went into another bathroom (I think there were about 7 bathrooms in this place)...and THAT bathroom mirror had been painted over also!... It was the same with ALL the bathrooms... mirrors painted over... I must have gone out to my car to shave in the rear view mirror. I asked someone about this phenomenon and they told me that the "Sisters" who lived there painted over all the mirrors. They didn't want to look at themselves. They though it would be make them "prideful". They wanted to stay humble. They even had a little round tube thingy that, if they got a meal or message or anything from the outside world, whatever was delivered was stuck into this slot and they would spin it around into the next room to be received... so they never actually let anyone "see" them....or them see anyone else!..
You know, ... it's a weird thing about pride. The Bible tells us that it's embedded into the human heart. There's "good" pride,.. like when your kid hits a home-run in little league and you're proud of him (or her),.. and then there's this "bad" pride where you think you're pretty hot stuff, God's gift to women, or men, or humanity... kind of feeling.
Some people look in a mirror and are prideful, while others can look into that very same mirror and see nothing but shame. I use to be one of those people.... the ones who see shame.. and blame... and guilt...when they look into a mirror.
That was before I realized that I had been forgiven by God for all the crappy stuff I had done. He had forgiven me simply because I asked Him to. The hard part for me wasn't "Has God forgiven me?".... but, "Have I forgiven myself?"..... I think we're a lot harder on ourselves than God even thinks of being. Nowadays I can look into the mirror just fine. My life has been truly blessed. I can say to the man in the mirror, "You're a jerk. You don't deserve any of this!".... and the man looking back at me always says, "No, you use to be a jerk, and too frequently you still do jerky stuff, but, you're not the man you once were. And, yes, it is true that you DON'T deserve any of this good stuff!... it's all grace. Just don't forget, ....It's ALL grace...
So... live with it..."
Plastic Surgery
I had to go in for a doctor visit the other day... so, I took along a really good book to read (Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller... I highly recommend it), and was looking forward to some quiet time while I was waiting for my name to be called.
Suddenly, right at 9 a.m on the button, the television, bolted to the wall directly above my head , began blaring..."The Regis And Kelly Show"!.... loud enough that folks could hear it all the way through the building and the McDonald's about a block away.
I tried to just keep reading and simply ignore the inane blathering above my head. But, something about their conversation caught my attention. They suddenly started talking about "plastic surgery",.. and how, breast enhancements were becoming "passe". The NEW trend was in "calf" enhancement and , "upper arm" implants. (I kid you not).... Folks had commented so much on Michelle Obama's sleeveless blouses and how great her "arms" looked that now women wanted arms like hers... or "calves" like.... I don't know..... calves?.....(the barnyard variety)....?
Anyway,... it made me almost sick,.. and mad. They were talking about all these implants and I was thinking to myself, "What they really NEED is a BRAIN implant!"....
I had recently seen a program on t.v. where entire families in Asia were living on floating boats, eating fish out of a river full of diesel fuel, garbage and human waste. Raising families on 5 bucks a day by selling fish from that same nasty river. And here we are, worried about how we "look". Amazing.
Plastic surgery. That's a good name for it. Plastic.... Like when something isn't really real. We use to say, "Hey, is that real?".... and someone would answer forlornly, "No, sorry,...it's just plastic".
I think it's a real gauge of where our society is. We, as a society, are so fixated on "appearance". Women have to have bigger (smaller sometimes, but most of the time "bigger")...breasts, and firmer "butts", and better skin and nails and teeth and eyelashes....calves and upper arms. Men have to have more hair, six-pack abs, bigger.... well, you figure it out.... The only thing it seems we don't need bigger or more of .... ego.
I realize I'm venting. I normally try to write a blog that is more.... more,... uplifting?....
But, sometimes you just gotta vent. All I'm saying is: If you are one of those people thinkin about having plastic surgery (unless you've been in a fire or accident and need to be restored to some "normalcy".... please, I beg you... don't!... That goes for face-lifts too. Have you actually "seen" Kenny Rogers lately? His wax figure in Branson, Missouri looks more lifelike that he does.
We all love Martin Luther King Jr. We love to think about what a great man he was, how he changed segregation, how he stood up (and was persecuted for standing up for) some amazing things. We love to quote him. It makes us sound kind of cool, ...I think...
Martin Luther King Jr. said: "A man (or woman) should not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
I agree. I also think we shouldn't judge "ourselves" by the content of what is "under" the skin, especially Silicon Valley "implants". We all need to work on our "character". We need "character" implants.
That's what I love about God and The Church, real community, family, and 12-Step Programs. They help develop character. They don't care about your bra size....
Someday, if God ever asks me, "What did you do with your life, .... I don't want to stand there like and idiot and say, "Well, let's see... I got these really cool hair implants.... and I got these great looking abs...and "calves"... don't forget those!... Spent a fortune on them!"....
And God would look at me sadly and say something, like.... "I see... but, I don't think you really understood the question. The question was: "What did you do with your.... LIFE"?.....
Suddenly, right at 9 a.m on the button, the television, bolted to the wall directly above my head , began blaring..."The Regis And Kelly Show"!.... loud enough that folks could hear it all the way through the building and the McDonald's about a block away.
I tried to just keep reading and simply ignore the inane blathering above my head. But, something about their conversation caught my attention. They suddenly started talking about "plastic surgery",.. and how, breast enhancements were becoming "passe". The NEW trend was in "calf" enhancement and , "upper arm" implants. (I kid you not).... Folks had commented so much on Michelle Obama's sleeveless blouses and how great her "arms" looked that now women wanted arms like hers... or "calves" like.... I don't know..... calves?.....(the barnyard variety)....?
Anyway,... it made me almost sick,.. and mad. They were talking about all these implants and I was thinking to myself, "What they really NEED is a BRAIN implant!"....
I had recently seen a program on t.v. where entire families in Asia were living on floating boats, eating fish out of a river full of diesel fuel, garbage and human waste. Raising families on 5 bucks a day by selling fish from that same nasty river. And here we are, worried about how we "look". Amazing.
Plastic surgery. That's a good name for it. Plastic.... Like when something isn't really real. We use to say, "Hey, is that real?".... and someone would answer forlornly, "No, sorry,...it's just plastic".
I think it's a real gauge of where our society is. We, as a society, are so fixated on "appearance". Women have to have bigger (smaller sometimes, but most of the time "bigger")...breasts, and firmer "butts", and better skin and nails and teeth and eyelashes....calves and upper arms. Men have to have more hair, six-pack abs, bigger.... well, you figure it out.... The only thing it seems we don't need bigger or more of .... ego.
I realize I'm venting. I normally try to write a blog that is more.... more,... uplifting?....
But, sometimes you just gotta vent. All I'm saying is: If you are one of those people thinkin about having plastic surgery (unless you've been in a fire or accident and need to be restored to some "normalcy".... please, I beg you... don't!... That goes for face-lifts too. Have you actually "seen" Kenny Rogers lately? His wax figure in Branson, Missouri looks more lifelike that he does.
We all love Martin Luther King Jr. We love to think about what a great man he was, how he changed segregation, how he stood up (and was persecuted for standing up for) some amazing things. We love to quote him. It makes us sound kind of cool, ...I think...
Martin Luther King Jr. said: "A man (or woman) should not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
I agree. I also think we shouldn't judge "ourselves" by the content of what is "under" the skin, especially Silicon Valley "implants". We all need to work on our "character". We need "character" implants.
That's what I love about God and The Church, real community, family, and 12-Step Programs. They help develop character. They don't care about your bra size....
Someday, if God ever asks me, "What did you do with your life, .... I don't want to stand there like and idiot and say, "Well, let's see... I got these really cool hair implants.... and I got these great looking abs...and "calves"... don't forget those!... Spent a fortune on them!"....
And God would look at me sadly and say something, like.... "I see... but, I don't think you really understood the question. The question was: "What did you do with your.... LIFE"?.....
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