This is a continuation of last weeks' blog on Cutting, .... described as "Self-Harm"...
I took my notes from a presentation at my church by Laura Rink, who worked this past summer as a counselor for teenage girls. The camp is a Christian Camp and so this subject was approached from a Christan perspective. I know that not all who read this blog may have the same belief system and may approach this and other subjects differently. I am presenting it as it was presented to me. I hope you, the reader, will take this into consideration. As I said previously, this issue of cutting is a serious psychological problem and if you know someone who is self-mutilating in any way, you should talk to a professional counselor and try to get help for them....whether it's a Christian Counselor or a secular one.
Breaking Free:
Talking about your emotions
Writing down your feelings daily (Journaling)
Drawing and Painting
Praise and Worship
Prayer
Reading the Bible
Christian Counseling
Forgiving Others:
Allowing unforgiveness to take root in your life is a stumbling block to freedom. (Note: This applies to breaking free of ALL addictive, destructive behaviors.)
Realizing that we have been forgiven by God frees us to forgive others. Refusing to forgive locks our pain inside of us.
We also need to realize that forgiveness is not an emotion, but it is a choice. It's a starting place to simply say the words, making the choice to say the words daily, even praying for that person whom we hold resentment for. The feelings will come later. Perhaps slowly, but they will come.
Also, unforgiveness keeps us bound to the control of others and their abuse.
Forgiving yourself:
I think this is a big one. Forgiving yourself. Actually, most of us don't think about this one, so we end up on an endless cycle of self-hatred, without even realizing it. It may be hard to forgive yourself for things you've done in the past. They key is: If you can honestly believe that God has the capacity to forgive you, and to even "choose" to forget what you have done in the past, how can you NOT forgive yourself? It's as if you are saying, "I know better than God what I do or don't deserve."..
This subject of forgiveness, .. for others AND yourself, is stressed in all Addiction Counseling, regardless of the addiction or struggle, and I believe it's something that all of us human beings deal with (or don't deal with) at some level in our lives.
For Parents:
In families where a high value is assigned to public reputation, girls especially, tend to feel extreme pressure to portray an image of perfection. In the role that religion plays in a persons' life this often results in the feeling that unless their life matches up to some "ideal" that they have been taught to believe, it can lead to the feeling of being a "failure". This, on turn can lead to a cycle of shame and guilt which simply compounds the problem.
It's important to realize that we aren't perfect,.. not even "close" to perfect,.. and never, in this life, will be.
The only perfect person who ever lived was Jesus Christ. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, something that a friend once told me. "Jesus didn't come into this world so that we could be like Him... He came because we " Couldn't". He came to die in our place and to give us His righteousness as a free gift.... through grace alone. No "Works" involved... no "striving for unattainable perfection"......
Parents, especially, can unknowingly have a negative impact on the emotions of a young person struggling to find their place in a world that portrays images of perfection. We are bombarded with advertisements and television programs which seem to solidify this belief of the "perfect life",... the "perfect body".
I personally believe that there is a great lack of communication between parents and their children and that many parents have abdicated their responsibility to teach and nurture correct thinking and have turned their children over to education via television, movies, music,... the mass media.
In my next blog I will address this issue of parenting further.
Hope you all have a great week!.....
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
I Am What Is Wrong With The World
There's a story I read about the trial of a Nazi prison guard following the Jewish emancipation from the horrendous prison camps during World War 2.
An elderly Jewish man attended the trial. When a former prison guard was led into the courtroom, the former war prisoner broke down. He wept uncontrollably and was ushered from the courtroom.
His friends and family were trying to comfort him. "I know you must be terribly upset to see this Nazi SS Officer, after you suffered so much mistreatment at his hands."
The old man looked up at them and said, "No, that's not the reason I'm crying. The reason is, because, when I saw this man, dressed in regular civilian clothes, I realized, for the first time, that he was just an ordinary man... like me. He was.... just like me. I could have been that man!.... and it terrified me to think of myself as a monster, the way I had always previously envisioned... him."
G.K. Chesterton was a Christian writer in England in the early twentieth century. One day the local newspaper ran an article decrying the state of the world. (This was almost 100 years ago). The article sighted some of the world's problems and asked it's readers to answer this one question: What Is Wrong With The World?
Mr. Chesterton wrote back his short answer.
Dear Sirs: I am
Sincerely,
G.K. Chesterton
G.K. Chesterton's simple answer to this age-old question inspired me to write the song, "I Am What Is Wrong With The World".... and I included it on an album I recorded, "Every Road Leads Me Home", in 2006.
I've had people tell me that they love the song. I've had people tell me that they hate the song, ... and I've had many who said they didn't understand the song and it's message.
The Bible says that we have "all" sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. I must include myself in this "all"...
Given the right (or wrong) circumstances in life, what are we indeed capable of?
Are we the oppressed or the oppressor? Or both at the same time?
Anyway, this week I offer up the controversial song for your consideration. Agree or disagree, I think it's something to consider...
You can click on this link to hear it and read the lyrics.....
http://songramp.com/Flyingsheep
I would love to hear your opinions... good, bad or indifferent.
An elderly Jewish man attended the trial. When a former prison guard was led into the courtroom, the former war prisoner broke down. He wept uncontrollably and was ushered from the courtroom.
His friends and family were trying to comfort him. "I know you must be terribly upset to see this Nazi SS Officer, after you suffered so much mistreatment at his hands."
The old man looked up at them and said, "No, that's not the reason I'm crying. The reason is, because, when I saw this man, dressed in regular civilian clothes, I realized, for the first time, that he was just an ordinary man... like me. He was.... just like me. I could have been that man!.... and it terrified me to think of myself as a monster, the way I had always previously envisioned... him."
G.K. Chesterton was a Christian writer in England in the early twentieth century. One day the local newspaper ran an article decrying the state of the world. (This was almost 100 years ago). The article sighted some of the world's problems and asked it's readers to answer this one question: What Is Wrong With The World?
Mr. Chesterton wrote back his short answer.
Dear Sirs: I am
Sincerely,
G.K. Chesterton
G.K. Chesterton's simple answer to this age-old question inspired me to write the song, "I Am What Is Wrong With The World".... and I included it on an album I recorded, "Every Road Leads Me Home", in 2006.
I've had people tell me that they love the song. I've had people tell me that they hate the song, ... and I've had many who said they didn't understand the song and it's message.
The Bible says that we have "all" sinned, and fall short of the glory of God. I must include myself in this "all"...
Given the right (or wrong) circumstances in life, what are we indeed capable of?
Are we the oppressed or the oppressor? Or both at the same time?
Anyway, this week I offer up the controversial song for your consideration. Agree or disagree, I think it's something to consider...
You can click on this link to hear it and read the lyrics.....
http://songramp.com/Flyingsheep
I would love to hear your opinions... good, bad or indifferent.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Prodigal Part 2
"Becoming an addict is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life"....
"Becoming an addict is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life"...
Two addicts, two different views on life.....
Why?
It has to do with the story of the Prodigal Son. I wrote the chapter in my previous blog from last week. (You can read it for yourself in Luke, chapter 15)...
I've heard these words often. To one person, their addiction has ruined their lives. They've suffered loss. Loss of health, finances, family ties, jobs, reputations....
Another addict has suffered as much but sees life in a completely different way.
Like The Prodigal, they have squandered their wealth (however you might describe "wealth")... and they have found themselves far from home, friendless, pennyless, ...perhaps even living like one of the pigs in the pig-pen of life....seemingly without hope, without a future.
The difference between the two is that one has, as in the story of The Prodigal, "come to their senses" and headed for "home".. to a loving Father,.. perhaps for the first time. They have surrendered their lives to God. Given Him the "junk" in their lives. They made a U-Turn in life and headed in a Spiritual direction, a place where they are taken in and embraced as family. They've found "community" in groups like The Church, or A.A., or N.A., Al-Anon, or a family group that shares their experience, strength and hope. (by the way, the word "repent" simply means to "turn around".... go in a new direction)....
It's not a terrible thing to be a "Prodigal" in the eyes of God. Actually we're ALL prodigals in some sense of the word, but most of us never seem to realize it. We're all broken and Spiritually "homeless", but we've learned to cope with it, somehow even seem to have prosper in it.... materially.
What the one addict (the one who considers it a blessing), has learned, is that no matter how much a person screws up their life, there is a homecoming awaiting them and there is a Love awaiting their return Who is constantly watching the distant hills, daily waiting to see that wandering soul of a son or daughter,..come up over the horizon. A Father who is willing to not only "forgive" all faults, but is ready to throw a party to celebrate our return. This prodigal has experienced a supernatural grace that the other prodigal (the one who considers their addiction a curse), will never experience.
When Jesus told this story he was talking to an audience which included a lot of very "religious" people who didn't think they were in need of grace. They "had everything together" and were appalled that Jesus would depict God as a loving Father who was willing to embrace "sinners".... prostitutes, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, I.R.S. agents (the scandalous "tax collectors" of Roman-ruled Palestine)...... and even those who simply saw their need for grace and mercy... and forgiveness. The scandal of.... grace.
A key figure in the story, I believe, is the older brother. The brother who seemingly never did anything wrong, the brother who stayed on the farm and did all the heavy lifting. The one who never scandalized the family. He was appalled and angry that his father would accept this "black sheep" back into the family and even set him back in a position of trust. The older brother....
The Father showed that he loved the older brother just as he loved The Prodigal, but the older brother just couldn't stand this extension of forgiveness and grace. It wasn't "fair". The Bible teaches that God isn't "fair" when it comes to forgiveness... when it comes to giving grace freely and lavishly.
I think it's a great thing that Jesus portrayed God in this way, for most of us would be simply lightning rods for judgment if we truly got what we think is "fair" treatment from God for the way we've lived our lives.
The Prodigal.... He forever had a different relationship with the Father he had abandoned and disgraced. He found out that he had a Father who truly loved him and accepted him. He never realized this before. Now he had a new perspective on life. His prodigal ways had become the best thing that had ever happened to him. His eyes were opened to love and he had come back home .... for the first time....
"Grace substitues a full, childlike and delighted acceptance of our need, a joy in total dependence. The good man is sorry for the sins which have increased his need. He is not entirely sorry for the fresh need they have produced.".......C.S. Lewis
"Becoming an addict is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life"...
Two addicts, two different views on life.....
Why?
It has to do with the story of the Prodigal Son. I wrote the chapter in my previous blog from last week. (You can read it for yourself in Luke, chapter 15)...
I've heard these words often. To one person, their addiction has ruined their lives. They've suffered loss. Loss of health, finances, family ties, jobs, reputations....
Another addict has suffered as much but sees life in a completely different way.
Like The Prodigal, they have squandered their wealth (however you might describe "wealth")... and they have found themselves far from home, friendless, pennyless, ...perhaps even living like one of the pigs in the pig-pen of life....seemingly without hope, without a future.
The difference between the two is that one has, as in the story of The Prodigal, "come to their senses" and headed for "home".. to a loving Father,.. perhaps for the first time. They have surrendered their lives to God. Given Him the "junk" in their lives. They made a U-Turn in life and headed in a Spiritual direction, a place where they are taken in and embraced as family. They've found "community" in groups like The Church, or A.A., or N.A., Al-Anon, or a family group that shares their experience, strength and hope. (by the way, the word "repent" simply means to "turn around".... go in a new direction)....
It's not a terrible thing to be a "Prodigal" in the eyes of God. Actually we're ALL prodigals in some sense of the word, but most of us never seem to realize it. We're all broken and Spiritually "homeless", but we've learned to cope with it, somehow even seem to have prosper in it.... materially.
What the one addict (the one who considers it a blessing), has learned, is that no matter how much a person screws up their life, there is a homecoming awaiting them and there is a Love awaiting their return Who is constantly watching the distant hills, daily waiting to see that wandering soul of a son or daughter,..come up over the horizon. A Father who is willing to not only "forgive" all faults, but is ready to throw a party to celebrate our return. This prodigal has experienced a supernatural grace that the other prodigal (the one who considers their addiction a curse), will never experience.
When Jesus told this story he was talking to an audience which included a lot of very "religious" people who didn't think they were in need of grace. They "had everything together" and were appalled that Jesus would depict God as a loving Father who was willing to embrace "sinners".... prostitutes, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, I.R.S. agents (the scandalous "tax collectors" of Roman-ruled Palestine)...... and even those who simply saw their need for grace and mercy... and forgiveness. The scandal of.... grace.
A key figure in the story, I believe, is the older brother. The brother who seemingly never did anything wrong, the brother who stayed on the farm and did all the heavy lifting. The one who never scandalized the family. He was appalled and angry that his father would accept this "black sheep" back into the family and even set him back in a position of trust. The older brother....
The Father showed that he loved the older brother just as he loved The Prodigal, but the older brother just couldn't stand this extension of forgiveness and grace. It wasn't "fair". The Bible teaches that God isn't "fair" when it comes to forgiveness... when it comes to giving grace freely and lavishly.
I think it's a great thing that Jesus portrayed God in this way, for most of us would be simply lightning rods for judgment if we truly got what we think is "fair" treatment from God for the way we've lived our lives.
The Prodigal.... He forever had a different relationship with the Father he had abandoned and disgraced. He found out that he had a Father who truly loved him and accepted him. He never realized this before. Now he had a new perspective on life. His prodigal ways had become the best thing that had ever happened to him. His eyes were opened to love and he had come back home .... for the first time....
"Grace substitues a full, childlike and delighted acceptance of our need, a joy in total dependence. The good man is sorry for the sins which have increased his need. He is not entirely sorry for the fresh need they have produced.".......C.S. Lewis
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My Life In A Convent
Yes, it's true. I use to live in a Catholic Convent...
A few years ago we bought a house and were in the process of selling the house we were in and moving to our new home. Unfortunately, the timing was off and we sold the house we were in and had to move out before we could get into the house we had just bought. Quite a quandary.
The Lutheran Church I grew-up in had just purchased this old Convent and was in the process of remodeling it for a new ministry. We inquired about perhaps moving in there for a few weeks until we could get into our new home ...and they agreed. They figured it was good to have someone there to look after the place until they could get their remodeling crew all lined-up. So they gave us the keys and we moved right in...
It was a huge place. It almost felt haunted because it was so big and old and quiet and it had so many rooms. Our cat went into a hole in the wall and we didn't see her for 3 days. When she finally emerged she was totally covered in dirt and cobwebs.... weird...
We slept upstairs and every morning I would say to my wife, "Did you hear that weird organ music in the middle of the night?"... It would always freak her out.
My two boys were pretty young, 8 and 10 years, I believe. It was cold that time of year so we couldn't do much outside. There was a fairly large room with built-in chairs on each side. I might have been The Chapel... probably was. Anyway, my kids and I invented this game that we played in the chapel. We called it "Peakball". I don't know how it got it's name. You know how a child's mind has such a goofy imagination. Maybe even one of my kids named it... can't say for sure.Peakball was just an old sock taped-up with masking tape. We played it like a soccer game, where one person had to kick the "ball" and hit the opposite wall (being guarded by another player) to score a point. It was great fun... I thought it might be sort of "sacrilegious", being in the old Chapel and all. I thought I heard God's voice one day while we were playing.... "He shoots!... He Scores!"...
After that I thought it was cool with Him.
I got up to shave one morning, went into the bathroom, and found that the mirror had been painted over....strange. So, I went into another bathroom (I think there were about 7 bathrooms in this place)...and THAT bathroom mirror had been painted over also!... It was the same with ALL the bathrooms... mirrors painted over... I must have gone out to my car to shave in the rear view mirror. I asked someone about this phenomenon and they told me that the "Sisters" who lived there painted over all the mirrors. They didn't want to look at themselves. They though it would be make them "prideful". They wanted to stay humble. They even had a little round tube thingy that, if they got a meal or message or anything from the outside world, whatever was delivered was stuck into this slot and they would spin it around into the next room to be received... so they never actually let anyone "see" them....or them see anyone else!..
You know, ... it's a weird thing about pride. The Bible tells us that it's embedded into the human heart. There's "good" pride,.. like when your kid hits a home-run in little league and you're proud of him (or her),.. and then there's this "bad" pride where you think you're pretty hot stuff, God's gift to women, or men, or humanity... kind of feeling.
Some people look in a mirror and are prideful, while others can look into that very same mirror and see nothing but shame. I use to be one of those people.... the ones who see shame.. and blame... and guilt...when they look into a mirror.
That was before I realized that I had been forgiven by God for all the crappy stuff I had done. He had forgiven me simply because I asked Him to. The hard part for me wasn't "Has God forgiven me?".... but, "Have I forgiven myself?"..... I think we're a lot harder on ourselves than God even thinks of being. Nowadays I can look into the mirror just fine. My life has been truly blessed. I can say to the man in the mirror, "You're a jerk. You don't deserve any of this!".... and the man looking back at me always says, "No, you use to be a jerk, and too frequently you still do jerky stuff, but, you're not the man you once were. And, yes, it is true that you DON'T deserve any of this good stuff!... it's all grace. Just don't forget, ....It's ALL grace...
So... live with it..."
A few years ago we bought a house and were in the process of selling the house we were in and moving to our new home. Unfortunately, the timing was off and we sold the house we were in and had to move out before we could get into the house we had just bought. Quite a quandary.
The Lutheran Church I grew-up in had just purchased this old Convent and was in the process of remodeling it for a new ministry. We inquired about perhaps moving in there for a few weeks until we could get into our new home ...and they agreed. They figured it was good to have someone there to look after the place until they could get their remodeling crew all lined-up. So they gave us the keys and we moved right in...
It was a huge place. It almost felt haunted because it was so big and old and quiet and it had so many rooms. Our cat went into a hole in the wall and we didn't see her for 3 days. When she finally emerged she was totally covered in dirt and cobwebs.... weird...
We slept upstairs and every morning I would say to my wife, "Did you hear that weird organ music in the middle of the night?"... It would always freak her out.
My two boys were pretty young, 8 and 10 years, I believe. It was cold that time of year so we couldn't do much outside. There was a fairly large room with built-in chairs on each side. I might have been The Chapel... probably was. Anyway, my kids and I invented this game that we played in the chapel. We called it "Peakball". I don't know how it got it's name. You know how a child's mind has such a goofy imagination. Maybe even one of my kids named it... can't say for sure.Peakball was just an old sock taped-up with masking tape. We played it like a soccer game, where one person had to kick the "ball" and hit the opposite wall (being guarded by another player) to score a point. It was great fun... I thought it might be sort of "sacrilegious", being in the old Chapel and all. I thought I heard God's voice one day while we were playing.... "He shoots!... He Scores!"...
After that I thought it was cool with Him.
I got up to shave one morning, went into the bathroom, and found that the mirror had been painted over....strange. So, I went into another bathroom (I think there were about 7 bathrooms in this place)...and THAT bathroom mirror had been painted over also!... It was the same with ALL the bathrooms... mirrors painted over... I must have gone out to my car to shave in the rear view mirror. I asked someone about this phenomenon and they told me that the "Sisters" who lived there painted over all the mirrors. They didn't want to look at themselves. They though it would be make them "prideful". They wanted to stay humble. They even had a little round tube thingy that, if they got a meal or message or anything from the outside world, whatever was delivered was stuck into this slot and they would spin it around into the next room to be received... so they never actually let anyone "see" them....or them see anyone else!..
You know, ... it's a weird thing about pride. The Bible tells us that it's embedded into the human heart. There's "good" pride,.. like when your kid hits a home-run in little league and you're proud of him (or her),.. and then there's this "bad" pride where you think you're pretty hot stuff, God's gift to women, or men, or humanity... kind of feeling.
Some people look in a mirror and are prideful, while others can look into that very same mirror and see nothing but shame. I use to be one of those people.... the ones who see shame.. and blame... and guilt...when they look into a mirror.
That was before I realized that I had been forgiven by God for all the crappy stuff I had done. He had forgiven me simply because I asked Him to. The hard part for me wasn't "Has God forgiven me?".... but, "Have I forgiven myself?"..... I think we're a lot harder on ourselves than God even thinks of being. Nowadays I can look into the mirror just fine. My life has been truly blessed. I can say to the man in the mirror, "You're a jerk. You don't deserve any of this!".... and the man looking back at me always says, "No, you use to be a jerk, and too frequently you still do jerky stuff, but, you're not the man you once were. And, yes, it is true that you DON'T deserve any of this good stuff!... it's all grace. Just don't forget, ....It's ALL grace...
So... live with it..."
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