Easily Offended?

Offend...Defined as:

"To affront, hurt the feelings of someone; to arouse feelings of disgust in; to act contrary to law, moral principal etc; to cause resentment. (Websters)



"A brother (or sister) offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle".... Proverbs 18:19



I think I offended someone recently.

I got an email from one of my readers telling me to "take me off your list" for 12stepsandawindingroad.

My immediate reaction was, "Well... fine then... done!".... And I simply deleted their name.


A few days later, as I thought about it a bit more, I wish I would have handled it differently. I wish I would have gotten in touch with this person and asked them exactly what I had said in my blog that offended them. I thought the particular blog that weekend had been pretty innocuous, nothing controversial about it at all (I thought). But, there must have been that one line or two that they read which somehow triggered this reaction.

It's easy to offend someone, even when it's not our intention to do so. There have been cases where I have purposely offended someone just because I didn't like them or their position on a subject and I really didn't care whether they were offended or not. I'm not proud of it, ... I think it's just part of the human (fallen) condition.

A few years ago I had a casual business relationship with a company I did a small amount of work for. One day, the business owner was dealing with a customer in a particularly unhelpful way. I thought I was going to be "helpful" and so I told the business owner that there might have been a better way to handle the situation. Bad move. I offended him. His only thought was that I was trying to tell him how to run his business. I thought of it only as a suggestion,... he took it as a hostile takeover.
A couple of days later I called him and apologized for interfering. His response?... "Yea,.. O.K."... And he never called me again to do any work for him. So, obviously, as King Solomon said in Proverbs 18.... The bars to the castle were locked and in place. There was no winning this person's favor.

The longer I travel down this road of life I see how easily our words, and especially, our motives, can be misconstrued. Even though we may mean well when we say certain things, most of the time trying to be helpful and offer what we consider "constructive criticism", we end up simply offending the other person. Sometimes it seems like life is like walking a tightrope across a great chasm... one small slip and it's, as the old saying goes,... all over but the shouting.

I'm sorry that I offended this particular reader with something I said in a blog. I really wish I had pursued it and found out exactly what it was. Perhaps I could have explained things better, or at least had a dialogue.
I guess when one says more than most about life, love and addiction issues, there are going to be some points of contention. I just hope that next time the person writes me a personal note and we can discuss it in an open, honest fashion. I can always be reached at this email address: coloringmoses@yahoo.com

I hope this email address doesn't offend anyone;.... you know... coloring "Moses".
(Could I be belittling a beloved Bible Character?)....

One never knows ....unless they ask.....

The Prodigal Part 2

"Becoming an addict is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my life"....


"Becoming an addict is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life"...


Two addicts, two different views on life.....

Why?

It has to do with the story of the Prodigal Son. I wrote the chapter in my previous blog from last week. (You can read it for yourself in Luke, chapter 15)...



I've heard these words often. To one person, their addiction has ruined their lives. They've suffered loss. Loss of health, finances, family ties, jobs, reputations....

Another addict has suffered as much but sees life in a completely different way.

Like The Prodigal, they have squandered their wealth (however you might describe "wealth")... and they have found themselves far from home, friendless, pennyless, ...perhaps even living like one of the pigs in the pig-pen of life....seemingly without hope, without a future.

The difference between the two is that one has, as in the story of The Prodigal, "come to their senses" and headed for "home".. to a loving Father,.. perhaps for the first time. They have surrendered their lives to God. Given Him the "junk" in their lives. They made a U-Turn in life and headed in a Spiritual direction, a place where they are taken in and embraced as family. They've found "community" in groups like The Church, or A.A., or N.A., Al-Anon, or a family group that shares their experience, strength and hope. (by the way, the word "repent" simply means to "turn around".... go in a new direction)....

It's not a terrible thing to be a "Prodigal" in the eyes of God. Actually we're ALL prodigals in some sense of the word, but most of us never seem to realize it. We're all broken and Spiritually "homeless", but we've learned to cope with it, somehow even seem to have prosper in it.... materially.

What the one addict (the one who considers it a blessing), has learned, is that no matter how much a person screws up their life, there is a homecoming awaiting them and there is a Love awaiting their return Who is constantly watching the distant hills, daily waiting to see that wandering soul of a son or daughter,..come up over the horizon. A Father who is willing to not only "forgive" all faults, but is ready to throw a party to celebrate our return. This prodigal has experienced a supernatural grace that the other prodigal (the one who considers their addiction a curse), will never experience.

When Jesus told this story he was talking to an audience which included a lot of very "religious" people who didn't think they were in need of grace. They "had everything together" and were appalled that Jesus would depict God as a loving Father who was willing to embrace "sinners".... prostitutes, drug addicts, gambling addicts, sex addicts, I.R.S. agents (the scandalous "tax collectors" of Roman-ruled Palestine)...... and even those who simply saw their need for grace and mercy... and forgiveness. The scandal of.... grace.

A key figure in the story, I believe, is the older brother. The brother who seemingly never did anything wrong, the brother who stayed on the farm and did all the heavy lifting. The one who never scandalized the family. He was appalled and angry that his father would accept this "black sheep" back into the family and even set him back in a position of trust. The older brother....

The Father showed that he loved the older brother just as he loved The Prodigal, but the older brother just couldn't stand this extension of forgiveness and grace. It wasn't "fair". The Bible teaches that God isn't "fair" when it comes to forgiveness... when it comes to giving grace freely and lavishly.

I think it's a great thing that Jesus portrayed God in this way, for most of us would be simply lightning rods for judgment if we truly got what we think is "fair" treatment from God for the way we've lived our lives.

The Prodigal.... He forever had a different relationship with the Father he had abandoned and disgraced. He found out that he had a Father who truly loved him and accepted him. He never realized this before. Now he had a new perspective on life. His prodigal ways had become the best thing that had ever happened to him. His eyes were opened to love and he had come back home .... for the first time....



"Grace substitues a full, childlike and delighted acceptance of our need, a joy in total dependence. The good man is sorry for the sins which have increased his need. He is not entirely sorry for the fresh need they have produced.".......C.S. Lewis